GothTech

GothTech Experiance
2004-05-03 02:29:08 (UTC)

Anything that's broken can be mended

He really does love me. I know he does. And I'm
overwhelmed how much i love him. Today I went over to his
house to clean his room with him. I'd expected a bigger
mess. Anyways, I cleaned his room for him, which normally
it would have pissed me off that he didn't help, but for
some reason, it didn't feel so bad. It felt like I was
cleaning OUR room not his, even though I don't live
there. I swore I'd never clean for a man, I'll cook and
clean with them, but never for them. But for Jess, it's
different.

He read my previous entry. I don't normally let you snoop
through here baby but i did promise to tell you why I was
feeling so scared. The fact that you've known her for two
years dosn't make it better, but the fact that you talk to
me about it does make me feel better. Don't ever think of
something and not tell me. I always want to know.

.................

The only thing about when I clean is that my mind wanders,
sometimes to my writing, what I can write about, what I
can add to my story, sometimes it wanders to my Role
playing, what charracters i've got doing what, then
sometimes to my past, my skating, my sicknesses, my
traveling. Unfourtunatly, today my mind was on Ross
(well, for the part of the day that my mind wasn't on
Jesse.) I kept wandering what he was up to, who his
friends were now that he and his family is settled down.
I miss him. I miss him more then I can recall missing
anyone else. I e-mailed him last night. I'm not sure if
i got his e-mail addrss right but hopefully.

Ah well, my family is driving me up the wall. They've
decided to play that game again of who can yell at
eachother the loudest.

I'm going to crawl into bed. I havn't slept in three days.

..................

Baby, I'm sorry that I let such little things matter to
me. I know you tell me all the time that little things
shouldn't matter at all, but I can't help it. I try and
try as hard as I can not to let little things matter and
there I went and fucked up and let one little word that
you spoke only out of confusion break my heart. Now i'm
letting it eat me up inside, and it shouldn't even
matter. I'm sorry.

If I could, I'd take that back, you know I would, but you
can't take back a broken heart. But my I love you so much
that I know it'll mend, give me a little time and I'll
stop mopeing around and being so sensitive. And when I
don't feel broken anymore, I swear to you that I won't let
the little things matter. I promise I'll try. I love you
so much.




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