polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
2004-05-01 15:21:06 (UTC)

the will to live

this will be short and sweet.

nothing thrills me anymore. there is no more excitement,
only disappointment. i'm pretty much abandoned territory
here. a baby on a doorstep. i pick the flaws out of myself
until there is nothing left except bones. i am worthless.

yesterday, i was walking to class and i felt someone
tugging on my hair. i turned around to a group of girls who
quickly pulled their hands back, as if they hadn't done
anything, and turned away. i turned back around and kept
walking, i felt one bottle after another hit me. i kept
walking, feeling the plastic drink bottles hit my back.
they grabbed at me, pushing me aside and still yanking my
hair. i turned back around and they smacked their lips at
me, "guh, we ain't talkin' to you."

well fine. just the geek in the glasses...not like i have
feelings or anything...

in retrospect, life has lost its thrill. i simply try too
hard to find the good in people. i usually like people
until they give me a reason not to. i like to give hugs to
people when they enter a room. smile at strangers when i
pass them. i am convinced that the world is a good place
and i am not worthy to be here.

i have, as they say, lost the will to live.


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