bluemoon

The crazy world of me
2004-04-27 01:52:41 (UTC)

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IT HAS BEEN AHILE SINCE I HAVE WROTE AND NOT TO MUCH HAS
GONE ON FOR REAL. THE SAME OLD SHIT THAT I WOULD COMPLAIN
ABOUT. I HAVE BEEN TALKING AND HANGING OUT WITH JEREMY AND
SARAH AND EVERYONE A LOT MORE THAN I WAS. WHICH IS COOL.
JEREMY AND SARAH GOT THEIR OWN PLACE IT IS REALLY NICE. I
LOVE HANGING OUT OVER THERE. I AM SO RELAXED OVER THERE.
SO I HAVE HAD MORE CUTTING INCIDENTS. NONE RECENTLY
BECAUSE I PROMISED RICKY THAT I WOULDN'T CUT MYSELF ANYMORE
AND I DON'T BREAK PROMISES SO THAT SHOULD BE THE END OF
IT. I AM NOT GOING TO SAY I DONT THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE
THOUGH BECAUSE I DO BUT I NEVER DO IT. SOMETIMES I JUST
REALLY WANT TO CUT MYSELF SO I JUST GO FOR A DRIVE TO GET
MYSELF AWAY FROM EVERYTHING. I THINK WHAT MY PROBLEM IS IS
THAT I THINK WAY TO MUCH. I USE TO NEVER THINK AND I WAS
SO CAREFREE AND NOW I GOT THIS SERIOUS SIDE ABOUT ME.
RICKY IS THE ONE THAT CHANGED ME. NOT THAT IT IS HIS FAULT
FOR ANY OF MY ISSUES OR ANYTHING.
SO I SENT RICKY THE LINK TO MY JOURNAL A LONG TIME AGO
BUT HE SAID HE DIDN'T WANT TO READ IT. WHICH TO TELL YOU
THE TRUTH I DIDN'T CARE IF HE READ IT OR NOT. WELL, HE
DECIDED THAT HE WANTED TO READ IT AND THEN HE GOT PISSED.
ITS NOT LIKE I WAS KEEPING IT FROM HIM PLUS MOST THE STUFF
I HAVE SAID TO HIM. O'WELL. WE ARE BETTER NOT BUT THAT
WAS CRAZY. EVERYTHING I WROTE IS WHAT I WAS THINKING BUT
JUST BECAUSE I THINK SOMETHING IT DOESN'T MY OPINIONS CAN'T
CHANGE. PLUS A LOT HAS CHANGED SINCE A LOT OF THAT HAS
BEEN WRITTEN.
I HATE FIGHTING WITH HIM SO MUCH. I THINK THAT THINGS
WILL BE BETTER WHEN HE GETS BACK BUT WHO KNOWS. I REALLY
HOPE SO BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF CRYING AND HURTING ALL THE
TIME FROM OUR FIGHTS.
I REALLY FORGOT HOW MUCH I MISS WRITTING ON HERE. IT
ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER TO GET EVERYTHING OUT
AND NOT HAVE YOU GUYS JUDGE ME OR EVEN SAY ANYTHING
IGNORANT TO ME. BUT YOU GUYS DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T
CARE. WHICH IS ALWAYS GOOD BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE NOBODY FOR
REAL CARES WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. BUT YOU GUYS RESPOND BUT
YOU DONT JUDGE NOR ARE YOU ASSHOLES.
OH I DO HAVE TO TELL ABOUT THE LAST ARGUMENT THAT I HAD
WITH RICKY. SO HE CHECKED HIS BLACKPLANET ON MY COMPUTER
AND ONE DAY IT POPPED UP ON MY SCREEN AND I READ A COUPLE
OF HIS NOTES. I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE BUT I WAS SO CURIOUS
TO WHAT HE HAD TO SAY AND I SHOULD OF JUST MINDED MY OWN
BUISNESS AND CLICKED ON THAT X BUT I DIDN'T AND ENDED UP
READING A BUNCH OF SHIT THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW. HE
SAID THAT HE DID HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND THAT HIS
RELATIONSHIP HAD ENDED LIKE 6 MONTHS AGO TO ONE PERSON AND
THEN HE WAS TELLING THIS OTHER GIRL THAT HE WAS IN A
RELATIONSHIP BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW IF HE SHOULD KEEP
PRETENDING THAT HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME. IT WAS VERY HEART
BREAKING BUT I FORGIVED HIM. I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH THAT
I DONT THINK THAT I COULD EVER LET GO OF HIM. i DONT THINK
THAT ANYONE WILL UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL FOR HIM.
WELL I HAVE TO GO BUT I WILL TRY TO START WRITTING
MORE. BYE GUYS!!!!