en vitae la femme

Seven Hundred and Fifty
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2004-04-23 08:54:34 (UTC)

Interesting Question

"Is it some sort of lust thing you're actually thinking?"

Well, I don't feel overly horny, since I can handle the sex
thing on my own.

I'm not looking for casual sex because my time's run out on
that one. AIDs and all.

I'm not looking for getting laid for a kid because giving
birth sucks more painful shit than anything else on this
planet. And if it happened again, I said next time, I would
have a guy holding my hand.

I've always been a person that prefers sex within a
long-term relationship. I'm one of those, you know,
monogamous people.

Let's see, what else?

Well, it's not about thinking.

I can't help feeling what I feel. And if I could stop it, I
probably would because I had my life on a really awesome track.

But, love sucks like that. It just damn feels good.

I would say it's more of a soul-personality thing. And,
yeah, sex down the road, would be nice.

That's one of the holds you got on me. You haven't jumped
my bones. You haven't made an overtly sexual move, like
trying to make out or whatever.

That's super attractive because it's like a game.

You know people always jump in bed super fast and then the
relationship goes straight downhill thereafter with all the
fighting, hating, and controlling.

It's like, in my mind, Chris has figured this all out, and
he knows the true nature and course of relationships. He
knows that sex is a part of it and not a part of it, like
he's a genius or something.

Sadly, as people discover, sex is not a big part of a
relationship at all, so all the initial high from all that
fucking diminishes into a level of shitty relationship hell
where two people feel trapped together and they don't know why.

It's like, in my mind, he knows all this, and whether he
does consciously or not, I really don't think I want to know.

I don't know if he's ever thought he wanted sex with me or
not. And I definitely don't want to know the answer to that
one if it's not in my favor.

Oh yeah, the original question:

I know it's not just lust because sex burns out way too
quickly and I'm not looking to get laid.

Like I said, I'm not looking for anything, and if I was, I'm
just looking to hang with someone naturally.