Belle Morte

Nothing Special
2004-04-22 06:16:58 (UTC)

secular humanism

i was having quite a good day until a short while ago when
i started feeling very lonely indeed. not sure what
triggered it. oh wait, just kidding. its cause theres like
no1 on, and th only ppl that r on r doing other things...
such as.... entertaining guests.... ugh... who had friends
ver this late?? my parents would kill me. anyways, i'm
really bored, and that emotion most often seems to leaad to
sadness/lonliness. not really surprising.... being bored
make me feel a little but neglected, which makes me feel
lonly, which makes me feel sad. its a chain. i wish i
wasn't so dependant on outside occurances for my happiness.
it makes for a lot of ups and downs. same with motivation,
i'm motivated completely extrinsicly, so i can never muster
up enough to do shit. its frustrating. its realy
frustrating to have a wonderful happy day, and then all of
a sudden feel like shit because of one stupid event. but i
can't stop myself. its like its out of my control. i hate
that. it makes me feel helpless, and kinda makes me wanna
give up. but then on the other hand, i kno that i'll prolly
feel better in a few minutes anyhow, so i shouldn't bother
being weird about things. i should just forget about it. my
eyeballs are itching.. thats odd. and confusing. sometimes
i think life would be a lot easier if i stil had faith in
god. then all the unanswered questions would make sense,
and life woul have a purpose. But i just can't swallow all
this religious nonsense. its too much for me, and i doesn't
click with what i know and feel to be true. i would totally
take the blue pill. i'm just that lazy/stupid/desperate. oh
well. me and cypher, rite?




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