purple star

sick

im watching coyote ugly right now. haha. i havent seen
this in a long time. my back hurts, and my arms hurt a
bit. i went swimming yesterday and i hadnt done that in a
long time. im a little bit scared about a few things: 1)
my back hurts, my boobs hurt and im not due for my period
for at least 2 more weeks and i slept with josh a week and
a half ago about. hopefully im freaking out about
nothing. 2)i couldnt force myself to get out of bed until
5:00 this afternoon. after that all i did was lay on the
floor in the living room. i only ate when ashley made me.
i think im going to go to sleep soon. what the fuck is
wrong with me?

ok lets explore some options... worst case scenario: im
pregnant, im cursed with depression for the rest of my life
with no relief from drugs in site, im going to fail all my
classes, and end up a single mom with no degree.
alright... best case scenario: im not pregnant, the prozac
will help me to overcome my disease, i will work my ass off
till the end of the semester and pass everything with a C.
then i will have a degree and no child until im married.
to a good guy.

i think the best case is more realistic and a better
option. tomorrow is a new day. with new options. :) i
will go to sleep thinking of that. oh and the fact that i
get to see my wanna-be boyfriend tomorrow :) hehe. lets
hope that goes somewhere... god knows i deserve it. and
its nice that i can finally recognize that. goodnight.
cruelty