Cowgirl_Mom

It's gotta be PMS!

All I can figure is that this must be my PMS/period week
(if I had one - I don't have them normally with the pills
I'm on). First I get upset with my husband over the whole
house isn't clean enough episode Saturday morning, I
announce at Tyler's baseball game that I am at my wit's end
with him and his emotional problems with the game, I come
home, bust my ass cleaning the house, then I end up crying
at church on Sunday. Then Tyler comes home from his Dad's
and I'm wishing that his father was no longer in the
picture! After that washes over, I get so overjoyed just
hearing the baby trying out his vocals. He's gotten past
that cooing stage into testing how his voice sounds louder
and in different pitches/sounds. It's so cute! Although I
do miss the cooing and talking that he did, I should of
recorded it.
Okay, backtracking to Saturday. After I got offline, we
(the boys and I) went to Tyler's Tee-ball game. I made
sure he had something to eat, he was in a good mood, he had
taken his medicine, etc. So I'm thinking that this will be
a 'good day' for baseball, right? Wrong! He does okay at
first. Then the game starts, he doesn't like the positions
that they are putting him in for (I don't even know what
they were - he wouldn't even go out on the field). So he
pouts at the edge of the dugout or sits in the dugout and
refuses to participate. If it had not have been that
pulling him out would have caused the team to forfeit (not
enough players), I would have pulled him out and just taken
him home. I have tried everything with him. Bribing him
with rewards, talking to him nicely and not so nicely,
threatening him, yelling at him, the coaches have tried
working with him, and this time even the team mom tried
talking to him. He's probably one of the oldest kids out
there, and definitely the biggest, and he's the one that is
acting like the biggest baby! There are 4 and 5 year olds
that are crying because they made a mistake or whatever,
but they are still out on the field, in their positions!
Not my son, he's gotta act like the biggest shit of all,
and just stand on the sidelines and pout!
After the game we come home and I start cleaning. I mean
really cleaning. I am taking everything off of the
cabinets and cleaning the countertops, I am scrubbing the
stove, washing the dish rack, everything! Of course at the
same time, I am tending to the baby (as needed, he was
napping) and to the older son. Because of his attitude in
the ball game, I asked that he not watch TV when he got
home. He played outside, came inside, colored, and then
did some workbook pages. I am cleaning and cleaning and
cleaning, wondering when this husband of mine is going to
come home. Every Saturday, I usually leave the house in
the morning with the boys and don't return until late
afternoon/early evening. The reason for this is that there
are things that I can't do during the week because of time
constraints that I can get done when I don't have to rush
back to pick up Tyler from the bus stop. The other thing
is that this is the only time that my grandparents can see
the boys for the same reason. And almost every Saturday,
my husband complains cuz I'm not here when he gets home or
am gone all day when he decides not to go to work. So,
today I'm home, and where is he?
He finally comes home and asks why Tyler hasn't been picked
up yet. I tell him that is b/c his Dad hasn't come yet.
His father finally shows up after 3 o'clock (he was
supposedly off of work at 2-whatever). When he called at
1:20, he was disappointed that we were at home and that
meant that he would have to come to our house to pick him
up. That's the breaks, dude! Before Tyler goes, I am
wrestling with him and putting Don's clothes away and I got
a little smart-ass when Don said thank you. I told Tyler,
oh, I better write that one down, he actually said thank
you! He told me it was because I was 'actually trying
again'. Whatever the hell that meant! I told him that I
would love to see him take care of the baby all day and try
to get the house spic ANd span, and he told me that he
would love for me to get a job to make money like his and
he would stay home with the baby while I worked for the
house. I don't think he understands, and I'm not sure I
want to start the arguement with him again.
Sunday, we go to church. I don't know why, but during the
sermon I started crying. The only thing that seemed to
strike me during the sermon (join the cloud, not the crowd)
was Richard making the statement about a young mom bringing
her baby to church, starting it early. Why would that make
my cry? I then ask myself, why am I crying? Is it because
of my Dad now being forced out of work and being referred
to an orthopedic surgeon today? Is it because while Tyler
has to reprocess the divorce, I am going through it too?
Is it because I feel I have failed Tyler somehow? Is it
the fighting with Don? What is it?
Tyler gets home from his Dad's really late (compared to his
usual drop off) and we did not receive a phone call prior
to. He is badly sunburned all over his face, neck, ears,
and arms. His dad says, yeah, we spent some time at the
ball field. Tyler says that his Dad got mad at him on
Saturday because his ear hurt. I ask his Dad about it, and
he asks Tyler why his ear hurt. Then when I just ask his
Dad why he got mad at him, he says that he didn't get mad
at him. Okay, whatever. He leaves, saying over and over
again, too far to drive, just too far to drive. I talk to
Tyler and it turns out that in the 24 hours that his Dad
had him, they spent both 'days' at the softball field while
his Dad played. Why bother at all if that is what you are
going to do? When we decided that he would stay with us
until after work on Saturday, he complained that he would
only have 24 hours with him, but yet with that 24 hours,
all you do is play ball with your buddies? Tyler is
depressed and upset. When I tell my husband what he said
about being too far to drive, he tells me then he shouldn't
drive out here. As much as he tries not to be negative
about Tyler's Dad, this one statement was his way of saying
that he agrees with me, that if he's going to treat Tyler
this way, then don't bother with visitation!
Anyway, I've gone on long enough, and it's already 8:30 and
I need to take a shower. Until tomorrow!