humming bird

my F***ed up head
2004-04-19 01:10:15 (UTC)

why me and why one day

ok so mark hates me becuz he found out everything about
mike and yet i was going to choose him i just needed time
to tell mike that what it was was over so that mark and i
could be together and be happy ..... and my dad had a heart
attack today and mark was suppose to be here for me and
decided to come to fight about mike instead .... like i
needed that . i understand that i deserve to be hurt and i
deserve to suffer for what i did to mark but the only thing
is is that i never would have made him suffer like he has
made me and i dont know that it is worth it. i am so tired
and exhausted i just want to lay around and not move for
days. i need a break from everything. he couldnt put
everything aside for a couple hours and just hold me and
tell me everything is going to be ok. he had to fight with
me and get pissed and that isnt fair. nothing is fair. i
hate everything. my dad is lucky he didnt die. he already
had one heart attack and open heart sugery and got
diagnosed with diabetes and now he had another heart attack
god and all mark is worried about it mike. I didnt cheat on
him. I HATE EVERYTHING. everything got fucked up today.