gothkittn

my own eternal equinox
2004-04-18 23:19:56 (UTC)

It seems dilusions can only get..

It seems dilusions can only get better or worse over time.

Now I have everything I talked of wanting. I hate it. We
fight to make ourselves happy but it only makes things
worse. I moved out of my grandmas in to a completely
different hell. my mom decited she was going to marry some
guy and made me move in with them, after I figured I was
stuck there and tryed picking up the pieces of my shattered
life. I found a guy that made me happy and we move. Such a
fucking reminder of the past its not even funny, I have
been fighting to keep this one though. Until my mother
decides to go on a power trip and ground me because I
actually made a choice for my self for once. Concidering
that with in 4 months I will be moving out on my own. I
proved to her I wasn't a fucking moron and that her telling
me in the past that I'm not that smart, completely wrong I
got a 4.00 grade average at and advanced charter school and
just about ever college would except me. But the job market
blows I can't find a job, and my mom hates the man I wish
to marry one day.

For her fucking power trip I just wish I could yell at the
top of my lungs get the fuck out of my life you mentally
abusive BITCH!

I just want life to go faster and be rid of her for the
rest of my pathetic life!

I hate both my parents for putting me through the hell they
have.

My mom for telling me I was a fucking birth control
mistake.

Now I just seem insane... let me explane better..
my mother allows me to spend time with the guy I love and
wanted me to come back home.. here with the mental abuse..
hearing them fuck through the air vents.. and constantly
having to watch them be happy together, far away from the
love of my life who I only get to see when she says I can.
I have followed her my whole life never going against her.
I always did what she told me, even when it ment going
against my older sister who was always there for me. even
though she takes advantge of me. The one time I tell her no
she condems me to hell for two weeks, I shouldn't have to
put my love through that. But hopefully he understands
this.

I wish there was some way out...




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