GoobersSmooches

worse than teenage poetry
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2004-04-18 21:55:27 (UTC)

So I Was Thinking...

And I realized I haven't written in here. Considering
I do have my little notebook that I use as a diary, this
really insn't needed. But I felt the need to write in
here. So dear Tammi can read *waves to Tammi*.

You know what I hate, the future. I hate thinking
about it, I hate the thought of it. I don't want to grow
up, why the fuck have I ever wanted to grow up? Come on,
these are seriously the best days of our lives. And we
spend them freaking out about our future. No, I'm not
going to look back and think "I wish I worked harder to
get into a better college.". I will look back and
think "Why did I forget to have all the fun that teenagers
have? Why did I spend the whole time worrying about money,
SATs, my future".

Adults always talk about life when they were young.
And we are spending it more and more like adults. And yet
we still want to grow up and get childhood out of the way.
This "teen drama" we feel won't go away as we grow up. We
will just have different friends, but the drama is still
there.

I just want to enjoy this time. Because I can't sleep
thinking about my future. About disappointing my parents.
I know I say I do it for myself, but I really don't. I
want to make my parents proud, I want to be able to
support them. No one sees how happy my dad is when I do
things well, though he always wants me to do better. He
has always been my biggest supporter and he gets so
dissappointed when my grades drop. He has always pushed me
because he wants the best for me, and of course I screw it
up. And it's just too much pressure. God...you know what
else I hate? Look to the next entry for that.

(Wow, this is long. If you read it, you're spiffy)


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