2004-04-18 08:30:14 (UTC)

So I threw you the obvious...

Man, I really like how this is going, the hanging out with
Breezy thing, but my god, it is also very hard at the same
time, dealing with so much old emotion over her. I keep
trying to hold back so much but it is hard not to sometimes,
especially the night it kinda ended suddenly in the middle
of sex - what the fuck... I don't know how that happened,
well, I do, I just have trouble believing she is just
wanting to be friends, even though it is what we are both
saying right now... God, emotions can be so complicated...
That undealt with side of me has not been allowed a voice
or thought for so long, and it is so dangerous to let her
back in, by instinct, but so much has changed, and she has
improved drastically, but my god... I don't know what to
think of it all, and I'm trying to keep that part of me that
wishes to be hopeful silent, but ..........

I think what I am trying to say is that I am very confused.
But happier somehow for it at least?