Ramblings of a Mom
Ad 2:
2004-04-17 12:38:53 (UTC)


Today I am so tired, I've already started crying, and it's
barely even 7 o'clock in the morning. The baby was up
every 3 hours (or less) last night and I've been up since
5:10 this morning when the baby decided that he didn't want
to sleep for awhile. By the time I got him back to sleep
at 6, I needed to take a shower and start getting ready for
the day.
My older son had a T-ball game the night before last
(Thursday) at 7 o'clock at night, then he had another one
last night at 7, and then, he has yet another game at 9 am
this morning! There is also a bake sale this morning,
which I haven't fixed anything for, so we have to leave by
7:30 am just to get to the store and to the ball field by
8:30 (allowing for any delays and to pick up something for
breakfast). That alone could make someone tired!
Here's the issue at heart. With all of this T-ball stuff
going on, I haven't cooked or fixed dinner or anything the
last couple of days, because Tyler and I just eat at the
ball field (or rather he eats, I don't) or on the road or
something. So basically, husband has no dinner to come
home to, and we aren't there until it's time to get in and
go to bed (close to 9 pm). During the day, I'm busting my
ass with all the other stuff around the house and errands
and such and of course tending to the baby too. I don't
sleep late, I don't take naps, I only sit down to nurse the
baby and watch one TV show a day, at which time I am eating
for probably the only time that day.
I wash the dishes, wash the clothes, dry the dishes and
clothes, fold the clothes, and put everything away. I'm
not doing this for one person, but for four (because
husband has stopped doing his own laundry now). I
basically take care of EVERYTHING in the house, and I know
that that is my job, but DAMN IT! Don't complain when
something slides! I even have to go after my husband (not
the kid, but the adult) and put things away after he
leaves. The fruit is left on the table, the condiments
from his sandwiches are left out on the counter, the bread
is left open, his towel from his shower is left laying on
the bed, his spit bottles are all over the house, etc!
He's even gotten so inconsiderate as to not put his clothes
away when I have washed and folded them for him and placed
them in our room, they'll be laid in the computer chair
every night and then I put them back on the bed every
morning because I use the chair (obviously) every day.
Normally I don't get to the point of bitching this much
about this kind of stuff, knowing that he is working hard
for me to have the lifestyle that I have (being home with
the kids, etc), but this morning, after an extremely long
night for me and the baby, he started by asking "what
happened here" and pointing to the baby's activity blanket
and spit rags that were haphazard on the floor. I told him
that it was the animals (we've got 3) and began to pick it
up. What else am I supposed to do with the activity
blanket? That's where the baby uses it. Then he warned me
that he is going to complain about he coffee table soon. I
am now beginning to get upset. He tells me that that is
the only thing that he has complained about for the last
year and he doesn't understand why I don't just keep up
with it! As I am walking out of the room with the activity
blanket, I tell him that that is not all that he complains
about, and he tells me no, of course not, it's a pig sty,
what do you want? I tell him that I am doing the best that
I can, God only knows I don't want to start this argument
with him AGAIN!, and he tells me that he is doing the best
that he can too. Then he leaves to go to work. I burst
into tears as soon as he walks out the door.
I just don't think he understands how much goes into caring
for our youngest son! That it's not like I am just messing
around and not doing what needs to be done. I get started
on things, then I have to stop, because the baby needs to
be fed, held, tended to in some way or another. The only
true time that I get to myself is around this time of
morning every day when he sleeps for a bit after his
morning feeding and that is when I can do my diary entries,
manage the bank accounts, take a shower, start the laundry,
etc. One weekend recently, Don decided to not go to work
on Saturday and I had already planned to go into town for
my grandparents to see both boys. When I finally got back
home, he had been so busy! He had done loads of laundry,
even washed the curtains on the bay windows, vacuumed,
etc. I was sooo grateful! But here's the twist, this was
just him being by himself in the house. I left for an hour
to spend time with my older son alone, and when I got back,
the baby was screaming, and I am told that he screamed for
57 minutes of the time that I was gone.
The other night, I handed the baby off to his Dad so that I
could do a few things, go potty, tend to the animals, put
dinner away, etc. He didn't last but a few minutes. His
Dad's reasoning is that he doesn't like him (the baby
doesn't like him). The problem is that the baby senses
that he is uncomfortable with him and that his Dad never
really is with him. When he starts to cry or is fussy, Don
won't handle him, he will give him to me. And, of course,
that is more and more lately, since the baby is teething.
It's also the end of the week, and the baby doesn't have
bowel movements but once every 7 or 8 days. Well, it's
been a week since his last one, so I'm sure that his tummy
doesn't feel too good right now either. This just makes it
more difficult for things to get done right now. I just
wish that he would understand that!
I know that he is trying not to be so critical, by only
saying things about one thing at a time, but it still hurts
when he said what he did about how he could be complaining
about a lot of things, that this place is a pig sty. I'm
taking it so hard and so personally because I am so tired.
I don't feel like I have his support, I just have more
demands and expectations to live up to, and I know that is
not true, it just feels that way right now.
Well, we're now 8 minutes late on our schedule and I
haven't gotten the baby dressed yet. I've gotta run, so,
until tomorrow or Monday!