rae_katherine

Dear Jesus...
2004-04-17 12:08:07 (UTC)

back issues: key word, shoelaces

Death by shoe lace, by Rachel Pradzynski

......deep......deep......deep......deep......deep......deep
......deep......deep......
Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Step right up for
the show of a life time! Witness the thrills, the chills,
the death defying acts! See the one, the only, the
shoelace! Proud bearer of our cricus name! Watch this
amazing performer do unseen things! Experience the thrill
slowly fading out...Well, Bob, the Dow Jones is down
today, but shoelaces are at a never before seen
high...radio static And now, the moment you've all been
waiting for! The envolope, please. And the winner
is...the shoelace! thunderous apploses...Today I come
to you; not as a polictian, not as a father, or fellow
American, but as a proud wearer of shoe laces. This is the
tie that binds. This is what holds together our proud
nation. Let us unite under this banner....
...dp...dp...dp...dp...dp...dp...dp...dp...dp...dp...dp...dp
...dp...dp....dp....
obnoxious music Shoe lace, my shoooooooooee lace, oh,
baby, shoe lace, don't leave meeeeeeee, I need you, can't
you seeeeeeee? shoe laces, o shooooooooooooee lace!off
key, fades away....up there! In the sky! It's a bird,
no, it's a plane, no, it's SUPER Shoe lace! cheesy theme
music duh duh duh da!...announcer voice And now, we
bring you the continuing story of Diana Derby. Last time,
Diana was presuing the object of her affections when she
was called back to the city. In her absence, Kelly
Keenager moved in on Diana's terriotory. Kelly, who is
secretly Diana's long lost step sister who was seperated a
birth, is already engaged to Farmer Micheals. dramatic
pause While Kelly suceed in her seducession? While
Farmer Micheals get a clue? While Diana's beloved shoe
laces be torn from her grasp? Tune in, to find
out.....fades out
.dpdpdpdpdppdpdpdpdpdp......................................
...............................
Please! don't hurt me! I'll do any thing you want! I'll
get you whatever you ask for! gruff voice,
unintelligelble demand NO! please, anything but that!
Not the shoe laces! I'll give you money, prestige,
anything but that! pleading voice, fades away....I
regret that I have but one pair of feet to wear shoe laces
for my country....loud, angry voice Shoe laces, shoe
laces, shoe laces! That's all you ever talk about. Some
times I think you don't even care. This isn't all about
you, you know. I have need too. Really, sometimes I
wonder why I even bother....So, she says to me, 'Joe, I
love you, but I just can't stand your shoe laces.' And I
said to her, 'Mary, if you really loved me you could
accecpt me, shoe laces and all.'....Honey, I love the
dress, but the shoe laces have got to go!....Why can't it
be like it was before? Just you, me, a bottle of wine and
the shoe laces. Why do we have to change that?...
.......clear..dpdpdp............................clear
..dpdpdp.........................
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my shoe laces
to keep. And if before I wake I die, I pray the Lord my
shoes to tie. Amen... Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
today in the present of these witnesses to watch the
joining of this man and his shoe laces. If there are any
here who object to this union, speak now or forever hold
your peace....

(this was originally in different sized font, but
appairantly, this diary doesn't do that)




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