Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2004-04-14 09:22:20 (UTC)

the lying truth within

after reading kristens livejournal, it
has given me, well, some particular
and new realizations...

I was totally blinded by the tits, the
attention, and ultimatly, the sex to
notice what a complete flake she is.

i'm trying to remember what it was that
first made me fall for her. and other than
that i was incredibly lonely, I can't
really think of anything good about her.

except, that deep down, she really tries.
and that was probably what I loved her
for. i still love her, but she's turned
into some bizzare Art Student from hell.

A friend of mine is on her friends list on
livejournal, and gave me access, which was
nice. i have on occasion, wondered what she
was doing, I suppose in some way i am still
fixated on her. It's probably because i am
and have been lonely, the same kind of that
i felt before i dated her.

the ironic joke is that had I taken the
opportunities presented to me in the months
before I dated her, she'd probably never
have gotten in university. or be in the place
she is now. which is one that is better than
the one i rescued her from.

the other irony, is that had I not dated her
i might not have learned anything either. so
it truly is a catch 22.

I suppose all laments of failed relationships
eventually turn into these cacophony's of
self indulgence, learning, coping, and dealing
with whatever pops it's might head, and roars.

i dont feel bad for breaking up with her, i
just wish I'd stayed broken up with the in the
first place, or that it hadn't had to come to
that. I lied to her, alot actually. I broke up
with her in the first place because the fighting
was too much, the lying was killing me. I learned
a very valuable lesson there.

Lie to everyone, except those whom you love. If
you lie to your girlfriend, expect shit to happen
in spades. So, I will never lie to my girlfriend,
its a promise I intend to keep.

I have been, a very bad person.

I intend that with my new girlfriend, that, it
will never happen again. I promise, solemnly, and
I pledge, with my very soul, that I will be
honest, forthright. That I will communicate, I
will be there, I will help, i will nurture, I
will do anything for her, that she needs me to
do, as best i can.

So, here we are.

where do we go now?

lets hope the road is fraught with adventure.