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2004-04-14 01:10:28 (UTC)

in a world where what we want is only what we want until its ours....

i need a sign to let me know you're here...
i need to know that things are guna look up
i want a reason for the way things have to be
i need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of

mmm. im sleepy. i had a nice day though. even though it
kinda hurt most of the time. it wasnt as bad as yesterday
and it was okay cus she was there.

i got an A on two papers, think i did okay on the psych
test, went to all my classes... she came over and we sort
of laid around for awhile and then ran her errands and went
to lunch or dinner or whatever... i started losing energy
by statistics though, i think its cus i dont have enough
blood inside me, ive been feeling really weak. but i think
i could lay in bed with her for the rest of my life and be
fine with it.

anyway it was nice. thats what its all about right. maybe
thats all i need. a day like that once in awhile. in that
whole fucking stressful fucked up mess area of my life, i
mean. i also NEED to stop bleeding and hurting and i NEED
to get through the next couple weeks of school but. thats a
whole different kind of stressful.

i mean she says she doesnt want a relationship again ever
and shes not into that anyway i mean maybe im wrong but she
never really seemed to be into it entirely or she didnt
like, GET it how it works or something. so. thats okay. i
think im okay with it. i think.

im not okay with the vast difference between kicking
someone out and doing their taxes for them.

but its not my place to not be okay with that.

so fuck it.

i just really am happy being with her like today and
especially with i didnt notice until now no phone calls,
usually its like every 10 fucking minutes. but it just
makes me happy and so if thats all i can have, i think i
can make it be enough. right now, thats how i feel.

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