tbqb12

my stupid mouth
2004-04-13 19:47:30 (UTC)

is that stink coming off the dog?

i met woman #2 on sunday. i feel like i won't be able to
call her that for long because she's becoming a bigger part
of my dad's life as time goes by. don't worry, i don't
call her that when talking to him. i just feel like i need
to stay detached, and this is one way of doing so. i won't
be fooled again, thanks. she seemed alright, although she
does talk with a snobbish voice...i don't know is she
always does or what. she seems better tahn robin was, but
i don't think anyone could be worse than that. she was
pleasant enough, but there was one time when we were for
some reason alone in the living room and i made a few
comments to which she did not respond. i didn't talk to
hre much, and i was glad that i didn't have to. i'll be
gone in four and a half months, and so i won't have to deal
with her anyway. hopefully my sister doesn't fall into the
trap again. unfortauntely, i think she already has. she's
too naive at this point to understand how i feel about it.
she just goes along with anything. plus, she doesn't even
know what it's like to have a "normal" family. she was
only 5 when that ended. in a way i guess that's good for
her because she won't be struggling to return to that sense
of cohesiveness all her life. but, on the other hand, she
doesn't have a good example of what a marriage and a family
should be. i think she's going to be like my mother.

which sort of leads me to my next thought because my
connections are always vague. (i'll explain the connection
in a second.) i got an email from my uncle yesterday, and
pretty much the first thing he wrote was, "i need your
social security number." at first, i was like, :what
the...?" but he explained that, since i will be turning 18
soon, he is making me the sole beneficiary of his will.
apparently, my mom used to hold that title, but he wants me
to be instead. and he "doesn't want uncle sam to take all
his money." of course, i'm not excited in the sense that
i'm in for some money because if i got that money, it means
that he would have died, and i wouldn't be able to stand
that. he is one of my absolute favorite people in the
world (and i have few of those). however, i am honored
that he trusts me that much, more than anyone else he
knows. (looks like i'm one of his favorite people,
too...) this situation makes me feel very...adult.
obviosuly, right now i don't understand everything that
goes along with this, but i'm just glad that he regards me
so highly.

i can understand why he doesn't want my mom to be his
beneficiary. i'm sure the only reason she was is because
he doesn't have any other family really, except my
grandparents, but it wouldn't make sens efor either of them
to be. i know he doesn't really like my mom. he doesn't
agree with the choices she's made in life, and i can't say
that i do either. i know he really hates her living in
a "common law marriage," as it's referred to. he once told
me how bad it was that she was living in sin, and i
remember feeling mortified because i thought i was, too.
but their sins are not my sins. anyway, i know he doesn't
like how materialistic she is, and, honestly, if she has
ken, she doesn't need my uncle's money. (i hate when
people think we're "rich," though, and my uncle is one of
those. ken makes a lot, and he pays his share of bills and
stuff, but my mom pays what she needs to with what she
makes. it's just that since ken is paying his half, we
have double what we would have even though it's not
ours...it's tricky, but it annoys me when people think we
can afford anything just because of what they see we have.
ken's money is not my money and, therefore, i am not
wealthy.)


funny thing...i think it was within my last few entries
that i mentioned seeing joel while at work last weekend.
well, today we were talking about that (because they keep
insisting that i "want cory," the other kid he was with
even though a) i don't know him and have never talked to
him, b) i was not attracted to him at all c) he's 15!), and
he said something about seeing josh and me folding
clothes. then he said something like, "what do you and
josh talk about anyway?" a perfectly normal
uestion...except that it was really ironic since i was
talking about/was about to talk about them! ooh, almost
caught in the act twice.

because i'm the type to be caught in the act... ;)




Ad: