Kinarra

Diary of an American Witch
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2004-04-10 08:20:21 (UTC)

So..................

my car is broken. not broken down, broken. yeah.
How much does that suck?
Well, Ill tell you. In about three weeks, Cory and I will
be moving in together, and the payments on the house are
450 month. plus food, plus electric, Oy! A new car was
not exactly in the budget, but it's not all bad, I mean, I
can just drive one of his cars I guess, but that means
learning to drive something that's nearly twice the length
of my own body. Im not kidding. It'll be either the
station wagon, complete with goober viewing hole, or the
grand marquis, wich, although posh, has a hood so wide you
can spread out a sleeping bag and, well, do stuff on.
Anyway.........
Cory has been my one constant reminder through this that
life is indeed a blessing. Its funny how one person-the
right person- can change everything, Little things, like
his hands on my shoulders, or his voice, or even his smell
(although he does tend to wear too much aftershave) can be
as calming, and as reassuring as deep meditative session.
Without him Id be a basket case. What amazes me every day
though, is that he doesn't expect me to be someone when Im
with him. Im not pressured to be always "on" with him,
sexually or otherwise. With past boyfriends if I didn't
feel comfortable on sexual matters, it always ended up
being a big fight, and eventually, for the sake of peace,
id knuckle under and do what they wanted. It always made me
feel bad about myself, and, of course, Id end up resenting
the guy for it, but Cory respects me enough to not push it
when Im not comfortable, so I can say no, and there won't
be a fight, and I don't always have to be on the defensive,
and on the other side, I don't feel like I always have to
be a little sex kitten because I think he will break up
with me otherwise. It's like being with him is a giant
sigh of relief. And of course, there's just the nice warm
fuzzy feeling of just plain being in love.

Crap, I can't keep my eyes open.
well, .......sleep.....yeah......

Happy thinking
Kinarra


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