2004-04-07 16:21:23 (UTC)

one year ago.

"""""damn i miss her. i cant say so. but shes not dumb im
she gets it. not that it matters. cus im leaving.

ashley thinks im jealous of FatAssCuntFace. no. not
hardly. maybe if i had a big fat ass and i was a trashy
skanky bitch too, then maybe. but no. and thats not even
the point. the point is that shes just trash. and shes
not making caroline happy. PERIOD. so im sorry but im not
guna pretend like i dont fucking hate her.

cus maybe i have had my bitchy moments. but that doesnt
mean that i dont love people and i dont care about people.
and if she was happy, it would be a different story.

i put your picture away, sat down and cried today, I cant
look at you while I'm lying next to him...""""""""""

i always love to see how little progress i make every year.

i ought to have stayed in gainesville far far away from
it. and pretended to stay mad about the bed cus it was soo
much easier then.

its coming. its going to happen. im going to find the
strength soon to say i cant see her anymore. and it'll be
hard but it'll be better because she's never going to do
anything. and this is any area among many that i need to
get MY life back. i need to have a day where im not in
pain, where blood isnt literally pouring out of me, where
im not throwing up, where im not crying, or cutting, or
drinking... because im leaving work, im missing classes, im
losing sleep, im ignoring almost everyone i care about,
because of some combination of all these things.

and then once i achieve that, i'll have another day like
that. and then another.

and she will still be miserable and busting her ass for
that whore and at least i can say. i tried my very fucking

you cant give someone anything they dont want.