Codesmith

Life, Or Something Like It
2004-04-07 12:59:27 (UTC)

Missing Beth

It's 842am. The weather wasn't as bad as I thought it would
be. Although, there is a bit of a haze over the city. It's
actually quite pleasant. Comforting.

I think I figured out what it is about my therapist that I
find ... comforting. It occurred to me as I walked to the
bus stop. It's not that my therapist provides physical
affection, ... well ok it is. But, I mean, if it were just
that then the adage, "Look who's grumpy, someone didn't get
their hug today." would be applicable to me. But it isn't
because, I do get some physical attention from Lisa.
Albeit, ... not very much. The thing about my therapist, is
that she pays attention to me.

There is this odd little game that I've been playing
lately. Progress Quest. It's basically another online game,
set in a fantasy environment. The thing that makes it
unique though, is that you don't actually play it, per se.
You just let it run. It does all the typical things you'd
find in an online game. Such as, combat, leveling, getting
incredible spells, power, equipment, perks, things of that
nature. But it does it all, automatically. It's like the
SETI screensaver designed to analyze data coming off of
dishes, where it taks some of your cpu time to perform an
operation. Well, basically the same thing with Progress
Quest, it runs in the background, and it simulates you in
an actual online game and what you would probably be doing.
So far, ... and sadly enough, I have to say that Progress
Quest is a pretty accurate rendition of what an online game
really is. Hack and Slash. No point in leveling, save to
brag about how much time you've wasted. Ironically
enough... that is kinda what's going on with Progress
Quest. Hm.

But anyway, my point in bringing it up is that ... a few
days ago I was telling Beth about it. And afterwards, I
showed her the link for it not really expecting her to
click on it or anything. Well she did. And she downloaded
the game. And she ran it till level 9. I have the feeling
she does it run now and then, when she remembers to turn it
on. I was kind of stunned at first. Someone actually paid
attention to me. Despite the game being rather... shall we
say, "interesting" she did try it anyway. Which had me grow
more attatched to her.

I probably should not say this. But, I think I should. I am
very attatched to Beth. I care about her so very deeply.
And, had things been a little more different, I would most
likely ... I'm not sure how to phrase it. But,
definitely ... I wouldn't be having a "therapist." The
therapist would be more like, another female friend of mine.

I hope Beth has a good day at work.

I also found out why I don't really have much to say in my
journal. It's because I think of Beth all the time. Well,
that and also because of something more subtle that I just
noticed. I noticed that when I'm more relaxed, my mind
tends to wander... and when it does wander, it tends to
focus on thoughts that are below the surface of my mind.
Thoughts that I would have otherwise put here. But as time
progresses, my mood shifts and as a result ... I no
longer "see" the thoughts below the surface of my mind.

I'd elaborate but it's time for class. I miss Beth.




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