2004-04-06 00:08:13 (UTC)

You Don't Have to Speak

i was feeling really sad today because brien and jay went
to florida for spring break and i'm stuck here working
every day. not only that, but despite my efforts to eat
next to nothing and work out every day, i haven't lost a
pound and i LOOK fatter. not only that but i'm in love with
my boyfriend and he doesn't love me back. he "forgets" to
kiss me goodnight, gets all weird when someone mentions the
words "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" in reference to us, and
is basically as affectionate as an ice cube. unless we're
alone. i know he cares about me, i know we get along really
well and we have a blast together, i know he depends on me
for a lot of his daily sanity, i just know that i like him
a WHOLE lot more than he likes me. We've been together for
eight months but neither of us knows when our anniversary
is. mid- to late-august, that's all i can tell you. it's
sad, it makes me feel really alone here. and since he's
been away at school since two weeks after we first got
together, the only contact we have is long phone
conversations and every other weekend or so. which isn't
bad, really, but since we can't be around each other all
the time, he says he can't put a lot into this right now,
can't make it all that intense. well, i can't help putting
everything i've got into this relationship because THAT'S
WHAT I DO. it really sucks when others don't want to do the
"you don't have to speak...i feel..." ~bjork