Stepherz

~*My LOCO Life*~
2004-04-05 21:59:30 (UTC)

Tears!!!!

hey...i havent written in here for a while, bc mah hard
disk drive was broken, but now i got a new one..so much
shit has happened over the past few days, i dont know how
to deal wit it...like deep down inside im sooo hurt...mah
grandmother passed away last week...it hurt me so bad, its
like when i need to talk to her i cant...and everyone is
like u can talk to her thru prayers, but it doesn't feel
the same...she always told me she wasnt going to make it to
mah graduation, and i always said to her grandma yes u will
dont say that...but look she didnt...she was such a strong
lady! i dont know what im gonna do without her, she is on
my mind every second of the day...but i went to NY this
passed weekend to go to her funeral..it was horrible...i
had to say goodbye to someone that means sooo much to
me...and i hadnt even talked to her for like 6 months, bc i
couldnt take the pain she was going thru and i couldnt bare
to hear it...now look...regrets, i wish i wouldve been
strong and talked to her, she was always in and out of the
hospital...y does God take such wonderful ppl? i hope shes
happy now, out of misery, out of suffering, in the home of
our Lord...y does she have to be taken away from me, and i
mean i have to try to be strong for mah mom, but i cant its
sooo hard...the thoughts of everything go in and out of mah
head i dont want to erase them either..i always want her to
be with me...i hope she looks after me...everytime i use to
talk to her she would always make me laugh...*what a
wonderful person* she was...gosh...i cant bare to live
without her like this...i miss her dearly! i just want to
talk to her for the last time, hear her voice, so i can
laugh..she would always say if someone is messing with me,
tell her shell do judo on them, she was really strong, she
would always get me to feel her muscles..lol how could she
go from such a strong person to so weak? i know she had a
lot of problems, but she lived with them for soooo many
years, y just liek this did she pass away? but grandma,
this is for u! i love u sooo much! i will always be thinkin
about u! and will never once forget what a impact u made on
mah life...RIP!!! much luv!!!




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