My Life & My Memories
2004-04-05 05:14:41 (UTC)

Long time no seen...

Wow! Its been a long time since I wrote to you...Well, I
never thought I needed you anymore but I guess I do need
you...You are and have been my best friend ever since I
met you :) I am sorry I ignored you for so long...Oh well,
I dont know how to express myself anymore...I think I have
forgotten how to...Let me try...

My whole weekend was rotten. I did nothing creative,
nothing extreme, nothing productive. I was just here,
sitting at home...doing nothing. I should have brought
work home. I should have worked to distract myself from
thinking and feeling so depressed.

He is gone, just like the others in my life. He has left
me even though he hasnt said anything to me. I know that
he has...I dont feel him anymore. I feel him going away
from me every day. I can sense him moving into a whole new
direction. A new world, which is without me.

Where did I fail? Where did I go wrong? I guess I was
wrong all along. My dreams have shattered once again. My
world has come to an end once again. I think I should stop
dreaming. I should not let anyone take my heart from me
anymore. I have let my heart stray away a lot many times
and what has it done to me? Destroyed me in a way no one
can ever imagine. It has left me with scars, scars so
deep, they cant be healed. I am not sure what needs to be
done to heal them. I dont know anything anymore.

I have turned myself into a working maniac. I dont want to
think about him but what am I supposed to do? He is with
me, within me, every day, every minute, every passing
second! I can not get him out of my system! This is just
insanity! I have got to do it. I have done it before. I
have survived. I will do it again. Once again wont kill
me. I am a survivor and I will survive even if the prize
is too high to pay!