A Day in The Life Of Elisa
2004-04-04 08:49:47 (UTC)

Sleepless in Seattle

So right now it's 12:30 in the morning, or is it really
1:30 because of the whole time difference thing? Oh
whatever...same difference. Anywayz I can't sleep, or
maybe I really don't want to. I have so much going on in
the back of my mind that my body can't really think about
sleeping. So I had the wonderful idea to get up and to
write and see if that here goes. I had a pretty
busy day today, but it was very fulfilling. I got up at
around noon and left the house around 1 to go shopping
downtown at old navy. I've been going through this thing
where I have to be stylish...I don't know this is the
first time anything like this has happened to me. Anyway I
went downtown and I bought four tank tops and a pair of
pink board shorts. The tank tops were on sale and the
board shorts were too cute to turn down and they actually
fit for once. Anyway I still don't like how my body looks,
but at least I am losing weight. I know this because the
board shorts fit, they didn't last year, and I'm a size
smaller in tank tops. boobs look bigger. I'm not
sure though if that's a good thing because I have this
feeling inside of my that I might be pregnant and if I am
that would totally not be a good thing. Actually that
really is the last thing that I need right now. I kept
having dreams about getting raped at the shelter and for
some strange reason, I feel like it was more than a dream,
however I don't remember anything happening and that's
just really weird. Anyway after I went shopping I came
back here and started helping Polly around the house. I
swept inside and out, set the table, waited on people when
they got here, cleaned up and after everyone had left and
the kids went to bed, I watched t.v. I just finished
watching nightmare on elmstreet which is actually a scary of the better ones. Tomorrow I'm going over to
my dad's house for passover. I'm kind of nervous because a
lot of people will be there and they all know that I got
kicked out and I don't know what they are going to think
of me and it's just very stressful. I just don't think
that anyone is going to understand. I just couldn't leave
with Linda anymore. I realized that the other night when I
went over there after dinner with my dad. I dreaded going
to that house just as a visit. I'm a much happier person
away from there. I don't have anyone constantly putting me
down, I don't see her putting my dad down and I'm not near
her negative energy. I'm a positive person, and I need to
stay that way. I'm the way I am for a reason and I now
know that. I'm also really stressed out about making all
this school work up. I'm a very smart person, but I really
fucked up. I mean it really wasn't my fault because I was
really sick, but I missed two full weeks of school and
that just totally throws you off. I'm stressed because I
need to keep my GPA up so that I graduate with a decent
one. I also am obsessed with getting a's, and that is not
going to happen, that is for sure. That is something that
I need to get over. I'm never going to be perfect, no
matter how much I want to be. Well I better be going
because I need to get some sleep. Laterz.