Remma

Rem's Poetry Corner
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Ezoic
2004-04-01 23:33:05 (UTC)

LET ME BE

I'm sick of apologizing for who I am. I'm sick of showing
deference to people who I do not admire or respect in any
remote fashion. I'm sick of those of different opinions
and tastes trying to impose their own upon me while saying
that mine are laughable. I do not respect you. I do not
want your friendship. I have ALWAYS shown you the respect
that I do not feel for you, and you show me a disdain that
you enjoy regaling me with, all under the guise of
friendship. I'm sick of hiding who I am in fear of
offending you. I'm sick of inhibiting myself out of fear
that you will attempt to do the same. I'm sick of
resenting you for the fear you inspire in me, and I'm sick
of me, allowing you to inspire fear in me. I'm sick of
worrying about what others will think of me. I'm sick of
worrying that someone will think I am a diva or that I'm a
bitch or that I have too high or too low an opinion of
myself.

Really, it's MY LIFE. I will do with it what I will, and
your unwanted opinion on it will have no bearing on the
decisions I make or the path I choose to take. I need to
be who I am. That means showing that I love country music,
and that I will not give it up for any of you city-
dwelling fuckers who give me shit over it because you're
too scared to admit that you wish YOU had the kind of
unity with your community that I have. I'm sorry your
upbringing obviously sucked because you grew up in a city--
I actually would pity you, but for the fact that you
CONSTANTLY GIVE ME SHIT over the things about me that make
me different from you. I AM NOT LIKE YOU!!! Can't you just
love me for who I am, as I try to do for you? I'm pleading
with you here.

You may not think it matters much to me to hear your shit
all the time about how you will no longer be my friend if
I do pursue a bluegrass or country career, but at best it
is a downer, and at worst, it sucks hardcore to know that
one of my closest friends is that fucking flippant and
fluctuating with her friendship. I don't need that shit.
At this point, I know that if you needed help, I would not
give it, because you have been so unsupportive of my
dreams and ideas. I didn't ask you for your signed
endorsement in blood or for money--only your tolerance. At
this point, I'm thinking tolerance basically means leaving
me alone. So could you leave me alone? I'd rather be by
myself than with someone who brings me down so much that I
cry every time I think of how I used to be happy.


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