taking heed

slightly exaggerated
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2004-04-01 19:54:51 (UTC)

Falling Back into the Pool of Solitude

It's good to be home.

After swimming in the pool of pluariality for a year (give
or take) I, Derrick, the often imitated never duplicated,
am stepping back into firmiliar territory, no fooling. A
place where I can do anything I want and not feel guilty.
Where I don't have to worry so acutely over someone and
where I am not stricken with warranted but delegitimized
jealousy. And this place even has an X-Box! or so the
brochure says.

This realtionship took the course that most often do.
Extrememy fun, exicting, anticipatory, eager, grin inducing
at the beginning, but slowly sinking down and down into the
quick sand with small, intermittent blips every so often
just to keep everyone hooked for the next free-fall. By the
end, I was starting to forget who I really was. My
political conciousness being held together be a few worn
show strings. My room filled with the unmistakable stench
of apathy towards everything. And a haze that the most
powerful perscription would encounter difficulty peering
through. Routine and security were beginning to ecplise the
real love that used to define the whole thing. And that is
not healthy for anyone.

It's pretty bummer when you think about it. When things
were good they were very good. Many things I will look back
upon fondly. But for now it's time get back to "living" my
life for me, with me, by me. And maybe one day bump into
the next unsuspecting victim.


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