confessions of a never ceasing mind
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my heart beats faster now, more alive, yet more fearful,
darkness embraces me, yet I live, shadows call my name, yet
a cry pierces the night and I shudder, my dreams haunted by
the sound of pain, the sound of loss, the sound of
mourning. I wake to the daylihgt only hoping to get
through, to survive another day. I feel alone and cold,
more so than I have before. I want something, something
that can bring happiness and the intangible makes my mind
and body scream with want and need. I know something I
have never known, never dreamed of. I am standing on the
precipice it seems, the brink of what I know and what I
will know, a child coming into the light of dawn, going
alone into a very large world.
My heart beats faster when I hear a sound that is dear to
me as my own heart's beat, and yet you will never know. I
smile when I hear my name from your lips and thrill when I
say yours. Not the formal names mind one, but rather a
name that sums what I think, what I feel.
I warn myself that I could be headed for heartache, headed
for pain, and yet I do not heed this, I am willing to risk
my heart for him, to know him would be a treasure. And yet
I will never say, never tell.