Sometimes an Austrian's gotta do what an Austrian's gotta do
today i got in a bit of a problem. i was on campus and
realized that my german paper was due in exactly 48
minutes and 25 seconds. there was little time to even
think it through and surely not enough time to even get
home on my bike through the torrential rain. unless i
hitched a ride on the back of some girl with a scathing
case of herpes, i couldn't possibly find a mode of
transportation fast enough to carry me to my precious
cpu. so i quickly dart into the computer lab and of
course i find that every asian person on this side of the
east is on the computers.
damn, and then there i see it, one computer left had
escaped the oriental onslaught, but just as i saw it, i
noticed some pasty white guy making his nerdy way over
towards it probably looking for his online girlfriend. i
ran like a camel from a horny arab and barely got there
before him. and of course it wasn't connected to the damn
internet. damn it! what's with these computers?
alas, so there i got deeply saddened and dejected now with
about 40 mins left and not a shred of hope. then i saw an
open door wiht a faint glow coming out of it. i push it
open and realize that before me stood a computer lab that
had about 50 open computers. i held my breath and sat
down at the nearest one and hit the internet button. it
i was off, typing typing typing, not thinking thinking
thinking. then all of a sudden a vile stench filled the
room. it was the stench of pseudo-authority masking the
horrible odor of low self-esteem.
"excuse me, but are you with a computer class?"
i looked around at the massively empty room and the turned
off lights and figured that it was a rhetorical question.
"how did you get in? this door is supposed to be locked!"
truthfully it should have been which was why it was ajar,
so i told mr. authority, whom i got a good look at for the
first time. i almost laughed outloud. i've taken shits
bigger than this guy and probably i think a 3 year old
could give him a severe beat down.
"this laboratory (he used the entire word) is for
classroom use only and must be reserved by a superior."
superior? basically i hadn't listened to him the entire
time with my fingers bleeding all over the keyboard as i
pumped out word for misspelled german word in a string of
sentences that barely represented a logical line of
"look if you don't leave i will be forced to turn off your
to that i laughed sorta. manually? as opposed to what?
he gonna get a robot to come over here and "automatically"
turn it off? i supposed manually meant that he was going
to let the wind blow his skinny ass over and hit some
"i'm almost done." was my first response to him, to which
he responded with a menacing step forward.
to this i gave him a look of, "one more step and we're
gonna rumble". to which he changed his demeanor asking,
"how much do you have left?"
to which he gave some sort of weird nasal whining noise
and told me that i could never come here again, like he
was banishing me from some sort of dragon realm.
christing computer nerds.