Aa-chan

Diary of a Deranged Fangirl
2004-03-30 15:24:33 (UTC)

Mindless Stupor & BDSM Chat

There is something definitely wrong with me these past
week and a half. Once again I have no energy. I think
it's because I do the same things everyday. I get up,
take a pee, and hop right onto the internet for a few
hours. There's really nothing else I can do until I get a
job or something. But this mindless routine is really
starting to drive me nuts.

I crave excitement. Adventure. Passion. Well, actually,
not too much of that stuff.

I don't know why this is reminding me, J'aime and I went
to South Street and of course we went to Passional, known
formally as Fetish Boutique and we both brought some new
corsettles.

Side Note:

All my corsets have been replaced. I once again have two
corsets and they are nothing like the original ones that I
lost. One is red and black (I think to commemorate the
loosing of the orginal two) and is so cute. The newest
one is all white. I've never had an all white one
before. But it's really really cute.

However, while in Passional I was looking at some leather
floggers. One was a purple dear skinned one. Really soft
to the touch too. I wanted it soo badly, but it was $173
bucks. I had no idea floggers were so expensive. But I
want one so bad. Actually, the mood has one that's
leather for about $60, I'll get that one someday. It will
be my training flogger.

Yes, yes, I know. BDSM Aa-chan? Yeah. Despite my big
surly mouth I am mega submissive sexually. I think I've
said this before, multiple times. There's nothing like
being spanked for my transgressions or being blindfolded
and tied to a bed... Oh yeah....

Second Side Note:

I brought this movie called Secretary on Friday. It came
out when I was in Anchorage and I always wanted to see it
cause they said it had a lot of bdsm stuff in it. So I
brought it and watched like half of it. Only half because
the first time James Spader spanked.... Uh I forget her
name right now... But when he spanked her I was squriming
really bad, cause I knew I was going on a date Sunday and
I knew I'd be getting spanked like that. So I couldn't
bare to watch and not participate.

Oh god, I love to be spanked. It feels soooo good. I
think that stems from all those years of getting in
trouble and having to get spanking from my parents. I
don't know... But oh yeah, I love it to no end. Hands,
floggers, paddles doesn't matter, I've been spanked with
them all and like them all.

Man once you've crossed over to the "dark side" there is
no going back. I've tried to have plain old, what they
call, Vanilla sex, but it's not the same. I need the pain
and I realize now, that I've always needed the pain.

Kristin will sit there and tell me, "I've been into BDSM
longer then you." But no. I've been in slight practice
since I was about 15 or so. The first person I called
Master was the first guy I'd ever slept with and that
happened when I was 15 and the first time I'd ever been
tied to a bed was with the same guy at 16. And he would
always give me orders and I'd always do it from the first
time he took my virginity. So while it's not been
anything mega hardcore, I've always been like this and
will always be like this until the end.

Woo-hoo: Ah the darkside. Where would my sex life be
without you?

Barf: I just wish I could get more energy together.

Current Song: Koji Nanjo's Bronze Martyrdom from the
Bronze OAV




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