Ramblings of a Mom
2004-03-30 13:37:04 (UTC)

Having an ADD child, Part 2

As I said yesterday, it is very difficult to remind myself
that my son's struggles with ADD/ADHD is not due to bad
parenting by me during the course of my separation and
divorce from his father. That this is a biological problem
that would have happened no matter what I did. I have
received mixed reactions to the idea of putting him on
medication. Even though I have spoken with his father at
length about the problems and what we have tried, what has
gone on, etc., when I called him after the doctor's
appointment last Wednesday and told him that the doctor had
started him on Concerta (a different form of extended
release methylphinidate [Ritalin]), his response was
downright shitty!
He asked me if this was what was recommended or was I just
trying to get some relief. What the hell does he think I
am? Some kind of parent who would take their child to the
doctor just to medicate him so that I wouldn't have to deal
with him? Come on! I took care of this child with
absolutely no help from him for years after he left! I
worked full time, paid our bills, and still took him to Tee-
Ball and everything! Why in the world would I put him on
meds now 'to get some relief'? That makes about as much
sense as me pursuing him for back child support just
because I was being mean or something. Look at the
situation! I've got someone else supporting his son and
essentially raising and paying for his responsibility!
Grrrr~~he aggravates me when he acts that way!
I didn't want to put Tyler on medication, but he needed
help controlling his impulsivity and attention problems so
that he could focus and do better with his schoolwork. He
is 'exceptionally smart' according to his teacher, and he
needs the opportunity to build on that. But as long as he
can't focus or be still, he can't continue to excel. Now
we just have to work on the whole guns and violence thing
that he has gotten into. I don't know where it's coming
from, and I am very concerned about it.
It happened again yesterday. He had a better day
emotionally and with his behavior, but when they were
discussing why a teacher was absent yesterday (someone in
their family was hurt), he said that that family member was
probably shot. I don't like this violence talk that he is
showing now. He never used to talk that way and now he is
talking about death, guns, shooting, etc. I asked my
husband about it and he says that he doesn't know either,
that as far as he is concerned, it's not coming from our
house. It makes me question him being in public school,
him watching any kind of TV or movies, etc. It's like I
want to shelter him from the world to get that innocence
Backing up a bit, he has had a hard time adjusting to this
medication. It made him extremely emotional at first. He
would argue with you about the simplest of things and then
he would fall out crying. He would literally change
emotions on a dime. When I called the nurse about it on
Friday, they told me to watch him through this week and see
if it improves. They were right, it has improved (so
far). I even got to see my son in a tee-ball practice on
first base and he did reallllly well (compared to years
Then I spent some time talking to the head coach later
after practice and it just reminded me again how lucky I am
in the life that I lead. She is 21 years old, has a five-
year-old son, her father just had a stroke, and she gets,
at best, $220 a month in child support. She works 2 jobs
and is going to school, along with coaching the team. Her
dad was to be the head coach with her assisting when he had
a stroke just before the season started, so all things fell
to her.
I could go on and on about this sad story, but I better run
so that I can get some things done before the electrician
gets here in less than an hour. So, until tomorrow!