my so called life
2004-03-30 11:17:58 (UTC)

Falling Apart

Sometimes I get so tired.. tired of everything. Right now
there's just not very much going for me.. I feel.. I don't
know, I just.. Sometimes life is very hard. As you grow
older new problems arrive, difficult decisions have to be
made, you're forced to face life and death, and you're
never quite ready for it. But at the same time I'm
experiencing that I have to deal with problems I thought
we had left behind, I thought we were too old for those
childish fights. I find it difficult to have to deal with
both childish and grown up problems.

I've had a protected childhood, I've had loving parents
who always supported me, and I've even loved myself. But
sometimes I think that maybe I'm not though enough. Since
I've grown up with an older brother, I'm used to fighting
a bit and I can deal with harsh comments. But that's not
the same as people actually being mean to you, people
taking advantage of you. I've always been what I suppose
you can call a good girl, and I always want to please
everyone. But people tend to expect too much of me, and
when I end up dissapointing them, I'm left heartbroken.
I'm sad that I've dissapointed them, I'm sad that I
failed, I'm sad that they expected too much of me and
wouldn't accept me for who and what I am. I'm sad that I
always try to please everyone, but it's never enough, and
I'm really sad that I never get anything back.
But most of all I'm sad that I've lost someone, that I
feel this pain in my heart that won't go away, and I still
have to deal with these problems that I'm too old or not
ready to deal with. Could someone please give me a break?