ºRayºOfºBlueºFragilityº

ºRevloflymachineº
2004-03-30 01:36:30 (UTC)

Last Taste from a Song

This is one of the short stories I wrote...that one is
about Tobias and one of his Drug addict...it's pretty
complecated, but just keep in mind that he always had the
urge to hurt someone and since he's always around Hibari,
I was scared that he might hurt her, so I made him hurt
me...when the effects were gone...that was the result:

BTW** The words in "" "" are the lyrics of the
song "Silence by:Delerium"

Last Taste from a Song
By: Rayana Lanthorm

I love quiet in my ears while I’m alone, the peace of all
molecules in the air stand still except for the gentle
sound waves, brushing the blond hair on my arms, coming
from the speakers, traveling all around the room bouncing
on each other. I can feel them, and I concentrate on them.
It stops the chatter in my brain. And it takes my mind off
of what I just did.

""Give me release
Witness me
I am outside
Give me peace
Heaven hold a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe that I’d get caught up when the
rage in me subsides.""

I’m tired and I know it. But even if I tried sleeping, I
would end up looking at the ceiling again. So I sit on my
big pink chair and I shut my eyes, and concentrate on
nothing but the movement around me.

If you heard nothing but whispers for a while, and that
all of a sudden someone screamed, wouldn’t you jump?

Everything in the room was balanced; the waves were
bouncing in a perfect order and I was completely immobile
feeling out everything very cautiously. Until something
most likely small, like a pen falling from a desk or a
branch hitting the window ruined that order. Whatever it
was, it stopped, because 23 seconds after the incident, my
molecules were back in a perfect order, and I was back to
my meditation.

-Rayana…

The spoken word whacks me out of my attentiveness, but I
keep my eyes closed. There’s someone there, I can feel it.
The beating heartbeat, the flow of blood the uneven
breathing of another being in the room makes disorder with
my molecules.

I open my eyes; I already know who it is. And I really
don’t want to face that person. Not after what I did. I
need to hold back my tears with the strength of Alexander
the Great’s army. Oh what would I give to run away at this
instant?

""Passion choke the flower
Until she cries no more
Possessing all the beauty
Hungry still for more.""

His eyes are blue like the ocean during a bright day and
shine like two sapphires. The blond spikes on his head
overflowing everywhere give him a handsome look, the type
of handsome that is striking only when he doesn’t make an
effort to look nice. The picture would be perfect if his
eye weren’t so weary and cheerless. Does this guy ever
smile?

I start to get up from my chair, and I make the mistake of
getting lost in his eyes. One of my feet gets stuck in the
wheels of the chair. Why did I have to fall now?

I expected to fall on my hands since I’m supposed to have
a definite amount of reflexes. But I didn’t. I can’t
believe it, he actually caught me back. He now has a hand
around my waist and he’s holding my arm with the other.
Does he have to be this nice?

I break out a little laugh. But he isn’t laughing; he’s
staring at me, like I’m Jesus. And he’s not letting me go.

-What are you doing here Tobias?

But I know why he’s here, and I really don’t want to hear
it. I don’t want to answer his question. I don’t want him
to know why I made him hurt me instead of Hibari. I know
how he feels though. He feels reassured because in his
madness he didn’t hurt his precious Isabelle. But he feels
tremendously guilty because I’m the one that took all the
pain.

He’s touching my cheek now, the red one. The one he
slapped twice.

""Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe that I’d get caught up when the
rage in me subsides.
In this white wave I am sinking in this silence
In this white wave in this silence I believe""

-I’m sorry Ray, for remembering.

My tears will flow down my cheeks soon if this doesn’t
stop. Why does he have to give me that guilty look? I
really don’t want him to feel guilty just because of me.
Why can’t he just stay with Isabelle and never come to me
ever again?

""I can’t help this longing
Comfort me
I can’t hold it all in
If you won’t let me""

He’s moving closer to me. Too close. Without letting me
respond his arms embrace me, tightly but gently at the
same time.

-Thank you Ray, Thank you…

""Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe that I’d get caught up when the
rage in me subsides
In this white wave""

Tears fall on my cheeks, and my cheek is resting on his
chest. He finally lets me go. He looks at me again; as if
I’m important.

I still see the guilt in his eyes, as he walks away still
giving me that look. He fades away hastily, I stand still
crying.

""I am sinking
In this silence
In this white wave
In this silence I believe""

I stay still for a while not thinking of anything. Just
crying my heart out. Maybe Tyler will hear me and take my
pain away. I wish so much he was here right now. How I
miss him in moments like this.

Again, the order of my molecules is disrupted. There’s
someone behind me again. I don’t want to turn around. I’m
pretty sure it’s Tyler. He puts his arms around me as I
cry, I shut my eyes. I want to vanish in him.

He moves in front of me very slowly as if he were unsure
of his manners. My eyes I still shut I don’t want to open
them. He puts his arm around my shoulders, moves the hair
from my face to behind my ears, and he kisses me.

It takes me a while to realize it. But it doesn’t taste
like Tyler. The grip around me doesn’t belong to Tyler
either. Tyler’s heart beat is usually faster.

We let go, very gently. Then I open my eyes. And there are
the blond spikes hiding his face halfway. He’s smiling at
me now, the little smile of someone who did a really bad
thing.

-A last taste, who said I didn’t like it?

And he vanished again still giving me that smile.

""I have seen you in this white wave you are silent
You are breathing in this white wave
I am free""




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