2004-03-29 14:37:51 (UTC)

fucked up info

i know its been awhile since i;ve written and there has
just been alot going on an everything has been so hectic
and im going crazy but im starting to come down to reality
where everything isnt so crazy anymore and this entry is
probably gonig to bounce around from here to there so i
hope u can follow it ok!
well lets see first of all me and my friend jess got an
apartment which is so totally cool... im loving it but u
know now its justl ike all ur money goes there but its ok
ill manage with it... i also got a credit card which is
pretty cool :) now i just want more of them lol hee hee
well lets see u all know how i was fucking chris right..
well im not going to lie i enjoyed it he was great and hes
hot to add on top of it well whatever anyways during break
i tryed to talk to him online about it like how we werent
gonna be fuck buddies anymore and he was an ass to me about
the whole thing and i almost cried... thats wheni first
realized that i liked him because i almost cried or
whatever but i mean neither of us wanted a relationship so
i guess it was my fault anyway but then thursdya night when
i was trashed well he was to kinda we talked about it and
everything is all cool now however i think i told him that
i liked him and he was like my best or whatever which
really isnt good because im kinda dating one of his good
friends which is just a really long story because i mean we
were hanging out a lot and i mean i really didnt think much
of it until he was like yeah this is my g/f and im like wow
and it just kinda happened so we just kinda started to date
i guess and now hes my b/f his name is jim ... however he
is a really nice guy and hot to boot but i am just to
worried about hurting him!!! i honestly dont think im ready
for a relationship but in the same sense i think i should
try it but i am really worried about hurting him because
he's a really nice guy and in the same sense he is kinda
senstive and i dont want to hurt him and i think im getting
myself where i dont want to be because i really want to be
his friend and hang out with him and stuff but i honestly
dont think i am ready for this whole thing again because my
feelings for arent strong like they were for ryan and i
still do love ryan but i dont know as if its possible to be
with him again as much as i want to i dont think i should
be i dunno everythign is so confusing and hectic well
moving on i did something that was like wow should i have
done that or not but i had a 3 some and wow is that crazy
or what but its all good because the guys didnt do anything
to eachother... i would have been freaked out if they
did... but i dunno chris heard about it and he thinks its
wrong and he doesnt think he could ever be with me
afterthat but he doesnt know he would have to think about
it.... i dunno everythign is a mess and i think i actually
like chris and its all so hard and im ready to explode and
just ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
**dont let problems run ur life, run ur problems** good
advice for someone who can actually control that!!

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