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2004-03-29 11:34:40 (UTC)

Fly away part two

Sunday I had to work, I asked if Tommy was going back, he
His mother and Emma was going to a birthday party, and he
wanted to check if they where.
He talked to his grandmother, she was driving them. She had
got a message (typcally her when she is drunk, she dont
come over or call, cause the they will notice) that thay
where not going. Her mother called asking why. Byt she
didnt know. (oh, super exuse!)
Then thay had a fight, Tommys mother didnt wanted they care
about what she did. His grandmother saidall right, but dont
you come to me when you`re in truble agen then. His mother
sad fine and hang on.
But called her up agen later, feeling guilty and said she
was sorry.
It was Emmas father, he was just there to have a place to
stay and so on.
I think that what the grandmother needed to hear, she blame
Emmas father for this and think that if he were`nt there
this would never happend. She get Tommy on this idea as
well, and everyone forgive and forget!!
Its like christmas two years ago, they where bouth druk all
the time, for servral days. But thay where also sick (from
drinking or desease?) so it was allright aftherwords.
Tommys grandmother wanted Tommy to stay with them last
christmas, so she came to Tommy, and Tommy to me.
And I said what about last christmas? and Tommy sad yeah,
what about it? Not understanding a thing of what I meant. I
told him how he had told me the year before that it was,
and BANG, Tommy rememberd.
Then Tommy wemnt to his grandmother with the same point and
BANG, she rememberd.
Then end of the story, Tommys mother was with Emmas
grandparanets, where we know thay dont drink, Tommys
grandmother went to her other son, and Tommy stayed with

So I tryed to BANG Tommy a little bit agen, she was
drinking when Tommy was little to. Long, long before she
meet Emmas faher. She had been drinking long before
Emma,when she was pregnant with Emma, and now when she is
taking care of Emma.
Was it other boyfriends that caused her truble before, is
that why is was drinking when Tommy was a child?
She has been drinking for 23 of Tommys years, 4 of Emmas
years, has been comming with a million exuses, and everyone
forgive her.
What make Tommy belive that she will quit now, in his 23rd
year, and Emmas 4rd year?
What makes them belive that is because of Emmas father? He
can offer her a can of beer, but she has to open it and
place it to her moth by her self. (he is not a helpfull
man, never do anything in the house, she cleans, cook do
the dishes and so on) In the end of the day, she is the one
swallowing the alocohol, he or no-one else can swallow for
Tommy didnt say anything about that part, but I think he is
pretecting her and him self (a normal response) and that it
might not have been a new BANG in his face, cause he wold
not let it be.

Back to the story, Tommy vissited his mother and sister
afther his grandmother, whil I was working. Her father was
left, had been gone since the day before, his mother looked
terrible, but not as bad as the day before. I asked him a
lot of question about how it was and looked there. The wine
spot was gone, but Emma was playing at the table, with beer
bottles right under it!
He asked agen if she could come with him, she wanted candy.
Tommy asked if she diddnt get any the night before, she
always gets on Satturday night. Emma said no. Why wonderd
-"cause mammy was so...) Tommy could not get the last part,
but belive is was waird. That means that Emma has started
to notice how her mothers behavior change with alcholol.
Something I think frightned Tommy.
Her mother would not let her go with him, so Tommy left.

Wow, though weekend or what??
And this weekend we where supose to make up for last weeked
who was terrible!
I dont think Tommys mother is going to work today. Tommy is
probobly going to chck on them today aswell. I think she
has a hang over, but is not drunk today. She cant take it
sevral days in a row.
I want to come with Tommy, want to see things with my own
eys, but I dont think he would let me.
This is a family problem, Im aware of that, but they dont
do verry much about it. His grandmother had 23 years on
her, and stil nothing...
I say that thay can drink as much as thay wont, thats up to
them, but not in front of Emma. Tommy think that its worse
for her if he just take her with her when she dont want to
go. With a lot to screaming, that might be worse for he. It
seemed like she was fine at home.
Tommy liked it when his mother was drinking, he would get
monny he could play at those cash machines, or by soda and
But he was older than Emma is now, he was old enught to
take advantage of it, shes not. I asked if it was fun when
her mother was drunk and didnt wanted peoble in the block
to know, so Tommy had to opend the door, and say that she
wassnt home. I dnot think that was fun.

Her drinking and my fathers drinking dont have anything in
common, so we cant compare it. Im a diffrent person than
Tommy and Emma. But so are Karoline and Grace a diffrent
person from me.
A lot of children will surive growing up in homes like
that. but just because me, Tommy, karolone and Grace made
it, dos not mean that Emma will make it.

My nightmare is that when she is 15, she will say that she
has a secret shes been holing on to her whole life. Tommy
ask what, and she answer that their mother is drinking. How
will it feel, when we say that we have known it all along?
Our that I have to explain to my children why Emma is sutch
a bad parent to her children. (with two parents drinking,
how is shes gonna ble able to learn about beeing a good
parent her self)Our what theyre aunt is taking drugs or
seling her self on the street.
Hopefully this will not happend to Emma, she might have a
good childhood in that home. But I belive that she will get
an even better childhood in that home if they were not
drinking, and thats what I want to give her.

Her mother is a grown woman, she has to be resposible of
her own life, you cant blame anyone else for your problems
you`re whole life.
She had her childhood, the police man said that now its
time to give Emma a childhood to. And I agree on that.

Me and Tommy have mede up, talikng a lot of his and my
family situations. Its much easyer for the person outside
to seem, juge and tell, than the one in that family...
He addmitted that my response make him not wanting to tell
me, when his mother have been drinking. and that t had
happend two more times lately, that he didnt tell me.
He had promised to tell me from now on, cause I swear it
wll happend agen.
I`ve said that I will support and help him, and always be
there for him.

Love Angel.