Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2004-03-28 21:57:32 (UTC)

#450

i would say this is almost a landmark entry.

so close to 500, yet, so far, if you look at
how many entries i actually make a month here.

if I were to make the usual 4 entries until
October then I think I would probably hit 500
on the third anniversary of starting this diary.

which i think, would make it about 1 entry almost
every 3 days or so.

funny. I honestly didn't think i would even
keep the diary longer than a couple of months.

the way it started was a Poem Diary for my ex,
for her birthday. I had thought if I wrote something
every day expressing how I felt about her it
would somehow make up for me not saying it as
often or in the way she had wanted me to do so.

which, as I reflect back, is what I should have
been doing in the first place. but, that is
neither here nor there.

when she cheated on me again, and then started
this bizarre fight, which ended in me changing
the locks on the door.

this diary started something new.

and i think, something i'd needed for much longer
than i'd known her. something cathartic to
release all the demons entrenched in my mind.

still. i have yet to accomplish the goal to which
i set out to do. which was to excise all the pain
and anger I feel towards the world in general.

one has to wonder, when that will ever happen.

so be it.