Red Mini Punch

I'm a Lone Ranger
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2004-03-27 22:14:44 (UTC)

The 1st is always the longest

Diaries, I've tried them before, and I haven't quite
learned how to make one sucessfully. I've had one on the
computer, just under word document, but I got paranoid
that someone was reading it. The same with handwritten
one. So now what do I do? That's right, I make one
publically for the whole wide web to read. Crazy I am! I
am actually, also paranoid. I actually thought I had
camera's in my house, watching me as I raided the alcohol
cupboard. That's another thing I do, get wasted. I like
to be wasted so I don't have to worry about real issues.
When your wasted you worry about petty things, like when I
was in my friends toilet, there r two lines painted round
the room (borders kinda) and I was pretending they were
having a race. Even though it goes round and round. I'm
worried though, maybe I'm becoming to reliant on drink?
It's not like I'm found in a gutter every week, more every
2 weeks(not literally in a gutter). But if i could, it
would be everyweek. As my problems get worse the more I
want drink. Right onto my problems! They aint personal
problems(like things concerning only me), just more
worries. A few months ago my parents decided they would
get divorced (they aren't anymore). But it fuked me up
inside. I had no one really to talk to, although I
desperately wanted to. Then I suspected my mum was having
an affair, which was almost confirmed wen I found a letter
she had wrote to her friend. It said she had fallen in
love with some guy, but they hadn't slept together yet.
But then he called it off. Only recently thay are again,
meeting up. It's fuking me up in the head again. I
desperately want to get out of this house, move away.
That my problems really, and the usual boy trouble. I had
my first snog only a week or so ago, and I'm turning
nearly 17. Not only that, we did other stuff, but not
sex. The thing is, he seems to be ignoring me almost
now. At the time he asked me out (i was totaly wasted),
but then the next day he said he didnt want to see me
properly yet. Then he asked to meet up on tuesday, btu I
couldn't manage. And now a week later and I still haven't
heard from him. I text him saying would u like to meet up
an that if he never wanted to hear from me again, he just
had to say. No reply! Thats my worried really, and
school of course. And the fact I don't have a bestfriend
I can trust. I mean I have plenty of friends, and a best
friend (but I cna't tell her secrets, she blags). It#'s
just I need someone to toally confide in, and was fun
too. Maybe I'm just too greedy? Anyway, I've blagged
enough. I speak so much crap, hope things get more
interesting.
Luv Butterfly

Thought of the day:In the seconds that your ead this, how
many people have been killed? are cosidering suicide? how
many people are sad? Too many....(i think too much)


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