Thoughts of His girl
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2004-03-26 15:18:27 (UTC)

So Many Emotions

Its been 3 days since I've journaled I am not going to
blame it on anyone thing or blame anything at all However
r/t situations and emotions did take their tole on me and
I did loose my focus ( sighs ) I hope Master understands.
I love him so very much . He is my ever my everything. I
was hurt, scared and discouraged because It had been so
long since I had heard anything from him And the situation
with my roommate was growing pretty tense.

I was consumed by fear and anxiatey from not hearing from
Master. Truthfully I feared that he didnt want me any
more. I mean we have barely spent time lately then when he
asked me if I wanted release. Then him just poofing And in
all honesty I figured if it was an r/t emergency thats why
he had my phone number.

Then when I heard from leah yesterday and she told me he
had to rush back to the UK because a medical emergency
with his son I understood Then fear and well insecurities
consumed me. I started to wonder why he would call her and
not me. ( sighs) I wondered if ....( shakes my head ) I
trust Master totally and in this I wanted to trust that
he would not hurt me , I am glad leah e- mailed and
explained that Luke was her uncle. ( laughs) That explains
alot as well.

Yesterday r/t was insain. I have to get dressed to take
little man to school , btw he is doing fantastic.He is
picking up the sighn language well. Pauline went on a
field trip Monday and had somuch fun She made bees wax
candle, panned for gold, and milked a cow. (laughs)

I love Luke so much . I wonder if he relizes how much he
means to me. He is more than my Master, he is my best
friend and lover. I feel lost and empty with out. Ihave
been focusing alot on dances and my web site since hes
been away.