Mind problems
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2004-03-24 11:20:26 (UTC)

I'm going home

Well, it is true after a whole quarter here... yes, here
at UC Davis i have earned the privalledge to go home.
Yeah, i'm so happy...later today at about 2pm i should be
at home. By home i mean with my boyfriend, my lovely
pookie who should be getting home moment or that is home
already. Either ways i'm so happy i wish i was there and
not here. It's so funny, knowing that you are from the one
and only city of East Los, and that i finally go home. I
deserve a parade or something... i don't know its not that
big of a deal... but it is a deal.

Well i have plans when i get home... who knows if they
will happen but i will try. In theory i want to spend the
first nite with Sandy since she is still going to be at
UCLA, but i have to go home first and get my chiles and
make fun of the kids and give Leo his Bday present. So
yeah, then on the next day friday i though there would be
a gig but i heard otherwise, but we will see how it goes
and all. So yeah, i will try to see how that works out. Oh
yeah i'm goign to take Jenn to this. William, Sandy said
they would go and so did Tony so we will see how it goes.
Any who the next day i'm going to the march in downtown,
this is suppose to be for Jenn D too... but more for me.
Well yeah, i dont know what im doing next but it will be
fun and all... i hope.

OH yeah, before i forget i passed my Subject A test and
that means that i will not have to take it again and that
the classes that i have taken this quarter will count for
writting, so yeah yeah!!

I might go see the GHS band, to see how they are doing and
all but who knows, i might chicken out and not go. I mean
am i too old for that? Well we will see i mean its not
like if there is any bands men from my time that will
remember all the stupid and funny times.... well we will
see how it goes.

Jr. told me that he is goign to the infintry unit to
Georgia. I thought that was very sad. I can't help but
fell that i have lost the only insane person that i
respected.I don't knwo why but i fell that i am losing a
brother to this stupid Bush Admistration. Well hopefully
Jr. will be find and nothing will happen to him. I wish
that nothing does, but you can never be too sure and all..

I go home in less then 13 hours, i'm so sicked i can't
even sleep. I want to be able to scream out to the gods,
I'm going home!!! I am going to be the best, that my babe,
well be there and that we will love each other...

Talking about Ricky, i don't know why but i have this
felling that ... i dont know he is holding something back
from me. Something that i truely can't identify, i think
he has a boy friend but that he just wants me for that one
thing. Well lets not jump to conclusion but who know we
don't talk the way we used to... i think that is my fault.
I started to blaim him for the things that he dint' do but
that he didn't tell me about... Ex. Olivia, talking to
that Guy. I dont know i just think that i am still hurt
from that stupid punk... Abraham. I should have gotten
over that but battle wonds dont heal completly specially
when its matters of the heart. I wish i could tell him
that i do love him and that i am truely in love with him,
RIcky. Yet i have this sensation that he thinks that they
are just words to me... that they don't mean anything more
than that... but they mean so much. They mean that he is
the only person that gives me this felling that no other
person can. This sensation of joy, of furfillment, of
everything that he can do that nobody else can do ... that
he is my soul mate. When we are together there is nothing
in the world that can bring me down. That his smile, his
touch his look is all i need, that i dont need from any
other person, creature of mammal to get what he gives me.
That i reac

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