Singincrazy

Stop Looking at Me Swan
2004-03-22 18:21:36 (UTC)

ThE PaSt PrEsEnT aNd FuTurE

Hello guys and dolls out there in nowhere-land. Anybody
miss me and my boring rantings of the day? I don't blame ya
if you don't - I wouldn't wanna listen to me either.
Things are neither better nor the worse with myself and
those around me. I'm just getting fat and sassier by the
day anticipating when I go into labor so this adoption
ordeal can be over and done with and I can get on with my
life.
I almost sent my present love-interest screaming when I
told him the other day I didnt think I could go through
with the adoption. He has this thing he does with his hand
and his head when he gets fustrated - rubbing it over his
head fast enough to start a fire - after I'd told him this.
What wasn't helping me at that point was the fact my ex in
FL and myself had been chatting over the net and he
expressed to me he didnt really want "our daughter" to be
put up for adoption but then again it was probably the best
thing to do. The following day I had an appointment with my
birth parent counselor and just bawled my eyes out to her
about both situations. I think she gave me the best advice
anyone could give me at that point - dont base your
decision on adoption on one guy or the other, its your
choice and something YOU have to live with. At the time it
didn't help me much but the next few days after I had time
to think instead of jumping to rash decisions without doing
so a very interesting thing happened. My cousin in TN, who
is adopting the baby, called me up because she had been
given my hospital plan and was curious about the due date
and if it had been changed. After I talked with her for
about a half hour about everything I felt the weight of
guilt kind of lift off my shoulders. 1) I was not going to
deny Elizabeth what I had promised her. 2)I was giving a
great gift to someone.3) It wasn't like I would never see
the child again or what she looked like growing up. But
most importantly - I found myself more at ease knowing that
the baby would get so much love and support in her
childhood because she is still going to be around the same
family had I chosen to keep her - my family.
So at this point in time I'm excited about it happening and
hoping for it to happen soon. Although, I'm not really
looking forward to the post-partum pains afterwards. This
time during the postpartum I won't have my mother to help
me out like last time I have to be dependant on my
significant other. This will definitely be a good test on
his nerves as well. :)
As far as the future is concerned at this point. We're
planning a vacation to TN in July for my family's get
together they usually have on the 4th. My grandmother said
she would really enjoy it if we came and that it would it
be the first time in the family history that the entire
family will be together - kids, grandkids, and
greatgrandkids. Thats alot of chitlins - she's not even
sure how she's gonna be able to handle so many youngin's at
one time. I'm pretty excited 'cause this will be the first
time my family has met Ed. They have surely heard alot
about him but have never had the priviledge of his
acquaintance yet. Wonder how this is gonna turn out? :P
Another notch on the future list is that I have made a
somewhat substantial objective with what i want to do as a
career. As many times as I told my mother I didn't think I
could be a lawyer I've made the decision that I want to
practice family law. I know I want to do something in the
legal field but not necessarily litigation, and that i
wanted to help out with adoptions like I am going through
right now.
So yeah - thats my story and i'm stickin' to it. :) Hope
your world is as topsy turvy as mine. :P Till next time.




Ad: