Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2004-03-22 09:34:44 (UTC)

void werks VII

i lay awake, and think of what to
do. when i will do it. and how to
be sure.

i am still in a rut, i have an awesome
opportunity to get a sweet car. $250
a month, for three years. I am a little
hesitant to do it. I really want the car
and my grandpapa is willing to lend me
the money to get it.

but, i don't want to end up loosing my
job, or quitting, or decided to up and
move somewhere and then not be able to
give him the money. Right now, I could
pay him for 12 months of payments, and
then turn around and save up more to pay
him back in one shot later, or break it

but, I'd kinda like to go to Victoria,
i don't know what I would do there tho.
but admittedly, i could scuba and wind
surf my brains out. And who knows. maybe
get the grrl. that would be alright.
maybe I could take some classes at the U

on the other hand.. there's Ottawa. and
Carleton U, and Gordo. Gord needs help.
The kind only a good friend can provide.
I don't know, but I'd like to think, I
can help him, and in the process help
myself out of the rotting pit of despair
i seem to find myself in once again...

I don't know. The last few days have, just
been. Quietly, sickenly, morose. I dont get
it. Just last week, and the week before I
was fine. now though.. i seem..

so, the nature of the beast is something
i am unfamiliar with. I can't grasp what
it is exactly. but i can tell it's seaping
into the very pores of my being and I can't
stop it.

thus spoke timothy, the end was nearer than
the beggining and yet the slumber of my shadow
has been woken again.

i can feel it clawing it's way up. i thought
i'd put him to rest. now, I don't know.

can I ever let him sleep? or will I be consumed
by the impulses of the savage beast...

so. do I go west? find, something i long for?
or, do I go east? and heal a soul in need?

i wonder if i could do both?

but what if in the end, I accomplished neither?

what if, in the end, all I do is push the envelope
to the edge and beyond..

what if.. thats what needed?

i am the prince of cinder indeed...

the king of black pitch...