am_I_human

more human than human
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2004-03-22 07:50:17 (UTC)

I wondered the other day how..

I wondered the other day how many people in North America
commit suicide in bathtubs eash year. Then I realised the
irony of this as at the time I was sitting in a bath tub
having a cigarette trying to forget how much the past week
has sucked. Ahh, smoking....the slowest and possibly most
painful way to kill yourself. I've noticed that I smoke a
lot when I'm depressed, which makes it incredibly
hypocritical of me to raise an eyebrow at those who slice
themselves up when depressed, doesn't it? I am effectively
doing the same thing, only with a more passive tone,
really. *shrugs* I guess I could be doing worse...go get
addicted to crack or something. Mmm....sounds fun, don't it
kids? Or join the rest of my family and become an
alcoholic. Naw...that's just not classy. I have no idea
where the fuck this rant is going. I guess it's just
serving as a distraction from this thing called life that
I'm currently stuck in. It'll get better, I'm sure, once I
officially drop the dance program and can get used to
living without parents. I'm enjoying that quite a bit
actually. My boyfriend practically lives at my place, which
I don't mind in the least. Scares me sometimes to think how
close this is to what it would be like to be
married..."kids" playing video games in the next room. I
jumped this morning when he referred to his friend as "our
dumb kid"...but maybe that's because my best friend spent
part of yesterday trying to convince me to have a kid
during my year off. And strangely I considered it for about
half a second (technically it was me who brought it up, I
just wasn'tserious) Then I remembered that I'm having
enough difficulty keeping my head finacially above the
water as is, plus I only 18 and all that other bullshit. I
just want to skip the next 5 years. Wake up and have my
dinner theatre open and fiancee (hey....I want to be awake
for the wedding!) with a descent job. Get all this young
adult bullshit out of the way...I hate school, but I know
it's a necessary evil. I'm going to spend the next year
just getting shit done that I don't have time to do when in
school. Like learn to drive. And bar tend. (the hours
aren't really convenient when in school for those who like
sleep) And go on at least one roadtrip....maybe to
Vancouver.

Anyways, I'm tired. Rant Over.

Later,
Phi


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