2004-03-21 18:06:42 (UTC)

THE BIG 150!

well, they sure do add up!

Congratulations to me for being diligent enough with this
diary to have made it to my 150th entry.

It's a sort of anniversary for me and this thing.

And boy have I watched a lot change. This chronicles some
of the DARKEST moments my life has ever seen - peppered
with my attempts to be optimistic, while I otherwise ran
the emotional gauntlet. Life sure has thrown a LOT of
trials at me since I started this thing, and though I
don't know if one could ever assign a grade of how well I
dealt with those trials, or measured it by the outcomes or
what is to be shown in terms of things easily seen - I
feel I did good just to be alive, and sane enough to want
to Celebrate the 150th entry. So what have I learned:

I learned to not hate being single

I learned a lot about the world and prejudice

I learned a lot about human nature to add to lessons
already known

I learned that fate IS what you alone make it

I learned to accept that many things are simply not within
my ability to control

I learned that I CAN live the same or better without many

I learned a lot about computers beyond my previous

I built a computer

I made one really really cool friend on here, a little
asian angel from New York named Alex, that,
unfortuneately, I have not paid enough attention to, but
to be fair, sorta wanted to cement my life on a more
positive axis before talking a lot to because she was such
a help for some black times and I don't want to be a
negative in her life that she sees as a downer when she
sees me online or whatever - I'm saving up my energy for a
brigher future first, then I will try to get back in touch
if she wouldn't mind that.

I watched three major loves come and leave, though to be
fair, only one was beginning and ending during this - one
was ending at the beginning, and another was closing off
for good.

I learned that every beauracracy has an infalibility
complex - go figure! ^_^

I learned that the world sucks in so many ways, but good
enough in a few to make it worth while.

I finished Star Wars, Knights of the Old Republlic

I finished Tron 2.0 (today)

I got a new job coming up

I've lived in 4 counties in Nova Scotia since this started

I have done a LOT of forgiving

I have watched 2 of the 3 ex-loves that burned me so badly
later try to get a hold of me to apologize - who knows,
maybe I will be the one that got away for someone someday
instead of the one hurting over someone who got away from
me for a change.

I have quit and restarted smoking several times. lol

I have quit drinking (yes, again)

I have fixed up my old equipment
but I lost a car - moment of silence

I have made a lot of new friends, and caught up with a lot
of old ones

Hell, even Jon Campbell was asking about me - there is an
old friend ex-best friend great guy that I have missed so
much for so long wishing the awkwardness that grew there
could go away... speaking of which

I have learned that the "don't date your best friends
little sister" unwritten rule is still a rule for a reason
(hey, if you can't laugh, what can you do, right?)

I learned that when a girl warns you to stay away from any
feelings for her, to listen

I learned that I am a sucker for a charity case

I learned that I can do more than I thought, but still can
get caught off-guard by bad days - still have to learn to
balalnce that better.

I learned that we all need 5 things in life: Truth,
Honesty, Sex, Drama, and Unconditional Love

I learned that REAL friends don't leave you hanging. (you
da man, bones... you da man. other "da-man's": Nut,
Darren, Steve, Flipper, Jenny, Chris, Kate, Lee Rogers,
Shaugna, my grandparents, and my aunt)

I learned that my father actually is a much better person
than my mother - though I used to hold a lot of his former
disgretions against him, I never gave him a second chance
until these last few years. My father REALLY let me down
in many ways once - my mother has let me down in many ways
constantly. Yes, it is that severe. I stand here before
a public jury to say that she may die of a brain tumor,
and I don't care about it at all - I feel she is reaping
what she has sown. She has made her bed by her choices
and now she can live or die, whatever - I doesn't involve
me. I am not bitter, it is just that I don't care either
way. She isn't a part of my life because I needed to
survive and could not do so with her a part of it by her
own volition. She is just a person with a tumor I don't
want to know. I could write a HUGE explanation if the
public wants it - message me and I will make one, but I
consider the issue a moot point now and mention it only
because it has occured in part during this diary.

I learned that I am insomniac.

I learned that I have a hyperactive thyroid. lol.

I learned how to totally hack and customize everything -
and I mean EVERYTHING - in XP.

I learned how to type really fast with one hand (go ahead,
make all the jerk off jokes you want) lol

I made a page at wouldyouhitthis.com and discovered I am
very bangable

I finished my MP3 project, and expanded it to include a
lot of Ray's stuff, Darren's stuff, Weezies stuff, and
some of Angela's stuff.

I learned how to rip DVD's

I learned a lot................

and I started over

new job, new life, new relationships - same friends as b4
though - and I still love Ceolia. Other than that -
nothing old that has only been painful is invited to my
new little world.


because I'm trying to celebrate here!! it's my big 150!

cheers all