poeticgem

My sometimes coherent thoughts
2004-03-15 03:10:31 (UTC)

shitty ending

to the weekend. We got in a fight while we were at 3rd
Street - I didn't ask for anything, didn't even go into my
shoe place to look at the shoes like I usually do, didn't
even ask for coffee, but when I wanted to stop and watch
the people dancing in the street he got mad at me because I
didn't want to go to the spot where HE wanted to stop and
he said all I ever do is BITCH about everything, so then I
didn't feel like staying to watch the people dance, but he
wouldn't budge and then he got pissed off when I said let's
just go, so we headed back to the car SEPARATELY ... but
that's not the least of it ... the day didn't start out on
the right foot anyway. We got a late start, didn't eat
before leaving the house, spent the major portion of our
time 1) stuck in traffic 2) once we arrived, trying to find
parking and then 3) once we found parking, trying to find a
reasonably priced place to eat ... it was doomed from the
start to begin with, or so it seems.

I was determined to try and make this a wonderful weekend.
Dinner came out awesome last night; I had the perfect music
playing (love songs from the 70's), we slow danced a little
before we ate, after dinner, we watched TV one of my
favorite shows, Law & Order CI, and then Nashville
Superstar ... we had initially planned on going out, which
is what we usually do, even if only for a little drive
(sometimes to pick up one of our 'movies') and then some
coffee, but we didn't go out. It was nice staying in
together, comfortable and relaxing. After Nashville
Superstar was over, we headed in for the bedroom where I
thought I would have the opportunity to cultivate the seeds
of passion, but Harry turned the tables on me. I was
honestly and truly 'in the mood', I made it obvious I
wanted him, but he was more into watching the movie on TV
(Darkness Falls), he said he was full, he said he
was 'tired' ... now if that isn't a full on example
of 'what comes around goes around' then I surely don't know
what is. I mean, how many times have I turned him down
because I was too tired, how many times has he shown his
desire for me and I've pushed him away ... but he's always
been in the mood, no matter what. And that's what made it
so strange ... it just wasn't like him, not at all. I
should've been accepting and understanding, but it's been
so long since I've really been in the mood, that it really
bothered me and I couldn't let it go. Even with what he
said to me the other night about how he has to wait for me
to be ready, but when I'm finally ready, he's expected to
automatically perform without hesitation. I know I
deserved what happened last night, I mean it was bound to
happen sooner or later, but I guess I never really thought
it would happen, not to us, not now ... then again, I never
thought me not wanting to have sex would ever happen and I
know for sure Harry never expected it to happen either ...

I don't know, I'm so confused ... this whole weekend just
did not turn as I had expected or hoped ... I really had
every intention of making the very most of our moments
together ...

so, he just dropped me off and didn't even come
upstairs ... they say the only good part of fighting is the
making up and I thought maybe we could do that before he
left, but no such luck ...

he said we would make love tomorrow ... oh, yea ... after a
full day of work and school ... back to the grind and same
ol routine ... and next weekend, my family's coming in, so
we won't have the weekend either - this was it, this was
our quality time and it was wasted. Now we have to wait
another 2 weeks ... blast it all!

ok ... well, I may very well hit the sheets early - after I
make the bed up again ... our love making session this
morning rather mussed the sheets ... (at least we DID make
love this morning ... better than nothing, and I should be
thankful!)

GOD PLEASE HELP ME TO BE GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING, NO MATTER
WHAT ... YOUR WILL BE DONE, NOT MY WILL ...




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