polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
2004-03-10 21:55:32 (UTC)

s'just me and the moon, she says

Its a good year for a murder
shes praying to Jesus, she's pulling the trigger
there's no tears, cause hes not here
she washes her hands, and she fixes the dinner
but soon they'll be coming, to rush her away
no ones so sure if her crime had a reason

reasons like seasons
they constantly change
and the seasons of last year
like reasons have floated away
away with this spilt milk
away with this dirty dish water, away
seventeen years, and all that he gave was a daughter

"it's me and the moon," she says
i got no trouble with that
but i am a butterfly, you wouldn't let me die
"it's me and the moon," she says

and it's over, but it just started
the blood stained the carpet
her heart like a crystal
shes lucid and departed
a life left behind, she can find in her mind gone away

away with these nightmares
away with suburbia
shakedown away
you marry a role and
you give up your soul til you break down

"it's me and the moon," she says
"i got no trouble with that, but i am a butterfly, you
wouldn't let me die"
"it's me and the moon," she says

but what do you say we go for a ride?
what do you say we get high?
but i'm so tired of days that feel like the night

"it's me and the moon," she says
and i got no trouble with that, but i am a butterfly, you
wouldn't let me die
i am a butterfly, i am a butterfly, i am a butterfly


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the previously mentioned song has been stuck in my head for
days. lately, my imagination has been floating off without
me. just today i tried to tap into my memory and select
moments in time from every year as far back as i could
remember. crazy, right?

i was breaking down. there were thoughts ricocheting off
the walls of my skull, so fast as if they were people
racing for a prize. they were drowning me, engulfing me,
swallowing me whole into an erie, dark abyss. quick sand.

i covered my ears and put my head on the table. i was
shaking and mumbling to myself. i was trying to
subconsciously reassure myself i was going to be fine. then
i realized, when i was sucked back into reality by my
teacher, that i was in class. she made me stand up and stay
there for the remainder of class. it was so weird. i had
gone into another world there for a second. the desperation
of trying to control myself - took me into a minute long
coma.

later, in fourth hour, i had the same problem. i began
inspecting my wrists, figuring out what the best way to get
out of this is. od? maybe...hanging? nah...but i stopped. i
thought to myself, han there is no waking up when it's
okay? it's not hiding, it's suicide. you don't come back.
there are people who love you, and people you love. believe
it or not you have things to live for. and i picked up my
pencil. and i did math. granted, i didn't do it right. i
was having a small crisis during the lesson, i didn't know
what was going on. but i was happy with myself nonetheless.
i'd picked myself up and made myself believe it was going
to be fine.

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