Jules420

The Adventures of Jules Santana
2004-03-10 17:28:59 (UTC)

Infidelity Should Be Punishable By Law!!!!

Today I’ve done nothing really but read other people’s
journals online. I think I love to doing that mainly
because I am so damn nosey about things that its gives me
my fix. More importantly I think it has become helpful
because it makes me feel like I’m actually not going insane
with a lot of shit. Apparently, all the bullshit that I
think is solely designated for my life, actually occurs in
others’ as well. But anyway, I was reading this one
journal and apparently a guy’s boyfriend cheated on him and
lied about it, and so now that things have come out, the
relationship is over and there are just a lot of the after
effects of a break-up that he’s written about. For one, my
heart goes out to him, because I have been in a similar
situation. I was fortunate that my situation didn’t end up
with anyone cheating on me, but it did end up with me
questioning and not being able to trust the guy. I think
that cheating is one of the most ultimate things that a
human being can do to another human being besides actual
physical harm. I mean c’mon, how can cheating not be one
of the most painful things, you’re destroying someone’s
love and heart, and let me just say that a bruise on the
arm heals a shitload faster than a broken heart….hell a
broken leg heals faster than a broken heart. Why do people
cheat though? I mean I know why, you’re horny, you’re
weak, you were in the moment… blah blah blah. But I mean
why do people do it. Why wouldn’t you just dump me before
cheating on me. As painful as it would be to be dumped,
I’d be able to deal and get over that so much easier than
me coming home and finding your dick in someone’s mouth or
vice versa. The other journal that I was reading is on
this site, and she’s my girl. LOL. I mean I’ve never met
her before, and we’ve only chatted on email, but Ms. Erykah
Kayne is the shit. I swear she keeps me rolling on her
entries. If you haven’t checked it out, you should. I can
relate to her, the partying, the delimmas in life, the
bullshit. You rock girl!!!! Anyway, yesterday I was
seriously struggling to make it and stay alive. I woke up
so goddam fucked up and all, but not before I had my share
of morning sex 2 times with Orlando. I did take him to the
train station to get back to Lancaster so that he can start
to at least take care of him mother. I really hope she is
ok and listens to him so that she can get herself better
and healthy. So yeah, he’s back home, which shouldn’t be
too bad since we took care of the sex before he left, as
you should do. I’m sure he’ll have fun, but now that we’re
on this topic I think I’m going to write about something
that I honestly shouldn’t or wouldn’t normally write
about. Jealousy. I think I have a serious jealousy, and
its towards someone that I actually like and admire. I
honestly think I am jealous of Bob, Orlando’s best friend
in Lancaster. I was never jealous of him before, and I am
definitely not the jealous type by any means. But I am
definitely having an issue, or at least feeling a certain
way about him. Bob is very nice to me, I always get
nothing but love from him, but I am jealous because his
relationship with Orlando makes me feel inadequate. I mean
I don’t want to throw blame anywhere, but Orlando is always
telling me of some talk or some moment that he’s just had
with Bob, and during these moments, he gets these
epiphanies regarding making changes and correcting the
current state of his life. Now my thing is that this is
all good and fine and this is totally something that I want
for Orlando, but when I ask what they talked about or what
Bob has said that made him think this, its like the same
exact thing that I’ve been saying to him for years. So now
I feel like I’m somewhat not good enough, or have at some
point failed as a friend in conveying my ideas and thoughts
and whatnot as far as Orlando goes. The last time I spoke
to Orlando about it, he made it seem that Bob has a way of
saying it that doesn’t seem nasty, mean, or bitchy, which
is apparently how I can convey myself about the situation
at times. So maybe I’m not jealous of Bob, I’m jealous
that Bob can help and I can’t, and that makes me feel like
shit, and a dumb bitch. I mean it makes me feel like the
only reason I’ve got an edge on Bob is not based on our
friendship, or anything like that, but I’m just Orlando’s
sexual partner, and that then I’m his friend. I don’t
know, I feel insane even writing about it, but it’s true. I
mean I love Bob, never have/had any problem with him. I
think he’s fabulous, and assuming that he’s not a liar
(which I haven’t seen any indication of him being), he
really loves me and we enjoy each other’s company. My
problem is moreso the way that Orlando acts so pleased and
loving and appreciative of his talks with Bob and what Bob
has said to him, when over the past year or so, I’ve had
and said the same exact thing and it doesn’t mean shit.
Who knows? Just my thought and release for the day. I’m
so going to try to get the hell out of here early today.
Well I’m out like Janet’s tit. I’m even more pumped
because we keep getting closer and closer to the release
of “Damita Jo”-The Album. I’m loving iiitt!!!!!




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