NeVaLoOkBaQ

aNd sO i WrItE
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2004-03-09 01:35:28 (UTC)

.....Hospitalz....

Hospitals.... damn i hate them so much... when i was
little... i was basically raised in hospitals...i hate the
smell of them the people in them what goes on... damn i
just really fucking hate them and lately all i been seeing
is hospitals or hearing about them...i even ave nightmares
abou tthem.... and today... damn today.. my brother who
just got out of jail bc a fuckin pig(cop) fucked him up...
was at the hospital... and they didnt discharge him and
they keep finding more shit wrong with him... and i know
he's fucked me up b4 and beat me up many times to the
point where i couldnt move... but still thats my
blood...and it goes deeper than anything and i hate his gf
she took him away from me.. thats my brother and now he
acts like a stranger... mabn yo i just been had so much on
my mind... i been tryin so hard not to cry... today i
cried by my self and then some one ccalled me so i stopped
but i was thinking aobut Jerell and then Tyrone and then i
saw my brother and he looks so bad.. his eyes are red and
puffy from the mase he was bleeding from his head and had
bruises and bumps and scratches all over him hes arms were
swollen i didnt see his knees till i saw the
pictures....and he has memory loss and theres something
wrogn wtih his back and they was tellin us more but i mean
damn... n he was hurting so bad and crying so much... i
was holding baq my tears... i been wanting to cry so
badly..but i want to stay strong...but i feel like the
more i try to stay strong the weaker i become... i dont
really have anyone to talk to... and it hurts so bad...
damn ... i wish i was in the hospital... then no one would
have to cry... only me... no one would cry... at all.. and
thats fine...school wtf i been thinking about droping
out...and...gettin a job and then maybe gettin my GED... i
dont know... i want to move i want to leave i was walking
and thinking and talking to my self and picturing whats
going on aorund the world as we speak breathe and as i was
walking and shit just gets worse and worse.. i fucking
hate living ... this world is so cold...im so sick of the
violence and no justice and fucking pain and anger and
everything wtf yo i dotn knwo and i feel so sick right
now.. my head is killing me.. damn i wish Ty would clal
me... i wish he woul call me b4 i even think to call
him... damn yo wtf.l... damn... *sighs* today was an okay
day until... ha until i woke up...... man...
God Bless
take Care
0n3 1uv

Me*


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