ErykahKayne

My Daily Bread
2004-03-08 21:39:06 (UTC)

white ain't right....hahahahaha..whew

i'm about to watch "of mice and men" with jasmine in a
minute i guess..but had some shit i wanted to write down.

ok,it's no secret i don't care for white people all that
much, and i wouldn't consider myself a racist,but some
people might. oh well..anyway, i been thinkin about this
for a minute. the ironic thing is...and i swear the Lord
did this for a reason..ok, the ironic thing is i have a
daughter that is MIXED!!! who'da thunk it,right? i know not
me. but i believe that everything happens for a reason..so
i won't question God's authority, although i do find it a
little odd, seeing as how i have NEVER found white guys
remotely attractive in the first place.

anywho....like i was getting at. i wonder if my saying how
i don't like white people will affect her when she's older?
maybe i could just not say negative things about them when
i'm around her. but then again, she gon be growing up in my
house and shit, and i'm sure i'll have something to say
every now and then. my whole family is this way..well, the
side of the family that she'll be seeing the most. my
oldest sister says that i'll make her grow up to hate
herself. but i don't see how that's possible when i'll tell
her all the time how much i love her and whatnot. but then
again..it's not what u say, it's what u do,right? i don't
know..i mean, i dont' think that i should have to change
the way i think or feel because my daughter happens to be
partly white...i still can't even believe it, sometimes.
people see her and be like, "wow she's so pretty..what is
she?" i'm like mothafucca she blacc..wtf? i can't stand
that shit. when i was pregnant..people used to be
like "girl, she gon be so pretty..u know how mixed babies
are always cute". wtf kind statement is that? shit used to
piss me off. i'm like "first of all i done seen some ugly
ass mixed kids in my day. so mixed does not mean pretty in
all cases." i hate thinkng like that. or, checc this out..i
had this friend Sharita in my highschool years,right? all
she dated was white boys..and she used to say shit like"
girl, i can't wait to have me a mixed baby" and i be
like"why?..i want my baby pretty and chocolate" and she
responds with, "cuzz mixed babies are pretty" that shit
used to make me so mad...like blacc babies are all ugly!
wtf? is she calling herself as a baby ugly? i know i
wasn't. but yeah..i have alota issues with myself over
this. my mom says god was trying to tell me something with
this whole thing, cuzz i ain't never really been too fond
of white folks. and maybe in the end it will. but change me
into what though? *sigh* i just love blacc..what's wrong
with that? and it's not like i don't love my daughter cuzz
she's mixed..if u ask me she blacc anyway, and that's what
the world will see her as when she goes for jobs, or to
school, or whatever. they ain't gon say "look at that
little mixed girl"..they gon say "look at that little blacc
girl" and that's what i want them to say..when she sees
herself she should see a beautiful blacc woman...not saying
deny her roots...cuzz she is what she is. but, shit it's
complicated. i can't wait to have this talk with her
though...




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