cici

force of habit
2004-03-08 13:31:25 (UTC)

my heart, your hands

well, over the weekend, cj got mad at me and so did colleen
because of what jessica told them. i told cj that i hate
her...i know it was wrong and i didnt mean it, but i just
got fed up with all they're doing. they make me mad. well,
jessica said she was sorry in homeroom today and i was
happy because we might become friends again, but probably
not best friends. i still want to talk to her about why she
told everyone our business and got them mad at me. grrr,
yes, this makes me mad. but i dont want to make anything
worse. i want the good life back. you know, when i actually
had a best friend that i did stuff with almost every
weekend. i want a group of friends back too. you see, when
colleen, cj, jessica and i were best friends, we had a
group..and i was happy because i would have the most fun
i've ever had with them. but they all hate me and cant
stand me and all that, so i should really give up on them,
right? i suppose thats what i should do. they dont want me
around. i want to say i hate them because i'm SO
frustrated, but i dont hate them. i just feel a load of
anger towards them. and i wish i could just scream at them
and make them realize how stupid and hypocritical and rude
they're being. i need to get it into their heads that MAYBE
they should listen to me for once, hear my side of the
story, and stop getting so pissed off at me. what is their
problem?? i say one thing, and they take it the wrong way
and get pissed off. i say sorry, but they get even more
mad. i give up. i cant please them at all and they dont
want me. why should i want them??




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