Mari

chosenone
2004-03-07 23:56:53 (UTC)

The argument

I don't know what was going on last night. This thing
happened with Erin, a kiss, of which i took no part in and
i left her house as soon as it happened. It kind of made
lynzi kind of angry that i went over. For some reason that
was the day that she decided to tell me about all of her
thoughts. I am glad she did but it kind of made me a little
awkward. She said we argue a lot, don't communicate well,
that she's not sure if she's in love with me, and above all
that she wonders if it would be better if she were dating
someone else. I just got to the point of thinking that i
can't worry about the future. I am happy with her now and
that's all that matters. These things that she said will be
in the back of my mind for a while..... I hope they go away
soon because I do love her and I do want to be with her
right now. I wanted to tell her that I knew that I was in
love with her and that I think she is the only one for me
but the last thing I wanted to do it scare her away. She
said that she can't believe with the millions of people out
there that I can be the "one" for her. I have been come on
to and hit on lately more than anytime before but the thing
is I feel so comfortable with her that I don't care and my
reaction is usually " I have a girlfriend, sorry". There's
this scene in Buffy that reminds me of this situation. I
know it's sad that i'm comparing us to a t.v. show but it's
scary how true it is. The scooby gang is helping Xander
move out of the garage and when Riley is telling Xander how
lucy he is to be with Buffy he says all of these things
that I feel for lynzi. When i'm with her there's two parts
of me. One that is going crazy if i'm not touching her and
the other that is completely content just being around her.
She's great and the best girl but.....she doesn't love me.
I am so glad that she told me she does but the worse thing
is that for a moment, if only just in that moment she made
me feel as if she didn't. As if being with me made her
unhappy and she thought about all of the other people she
would rather be with instead. All i know is that I am still
happy with her and I hope she does love me like she says.
Beacuse if what I feel for her is returned by what she
feels for me, this might be the best thing ever. Well I
have to go. I'm going to see her tomarrow. Wish me luck.
Mari




Ad: