forever 17

silent wishes
Ad 2:
2004-03-07 04:21:00 (UTC)

well then

yea. i just read the journal of one of my friends and now
i should like to cry. except i finally got my head to stop
hurting for a little bit and if i cry it'll make my
headache come back, and, even tho it's only a matter of
time 'fore it returns, i am rather enjoying being able to
think and to walk without the fear of falling over or
screaming out in pain. why would i cry you ask? well, its
very simple and quite complicated at the same time. you
see, my freind she is this tiny skinny thing. her size 5
pants are falling off her "waist" which is nothing but hip
bones protruding underneath her skin. she's finally gotten
to where she doesnt look anorexic. and even tho she doesnt
know it, there's a bunch of guys wanting to ask her out but
are afraid she'll say no. when she looked she could
hula-hoop with a cheerio people didnt pay much attention to
her, but now that you cant see her backbone through her
stomach, many guys like her. and gods-be-damned if she
doesnt go off saying she's fat. not only does she
constantly say it, she's started going to a gym and working
out. she ate, er drank, or whatever, a milkshake from Dairy
Queen last night after she worked out and then got home,
and as she was taking her shower, she decided that it was
going to poison her and make her repulsivly fat. so she
pukes it up. and not only did she puke it up, she continued
to puke up everything she had in her by somehow squeezing
her stomach. ::sighs:: she says it was a one-time thing,
and swears she not buleamic. and that may be true at the
moment. but the way she described the feeling she got after
she puked, which was "energetic, refreshed and pleasanly
empty", there's no way she wont get addicted. i dont know
if she reads this or not, but if she does, i hope she'll
think about it before she goes off purging herself of the
nothing that isnt in her. i dont think she understands how
hard it is to fight an eating disorder, even tho she spent
the summer being caught up the anorexia of her cousin, who
was like her sister. i was anorexic for a time, but because
i have an intense dislike of making people hate me and feel
the same way about peopel threatening to shove food down my
mouth, i decided i'd feed me of my own free will. you
laugh, but before school let out for christmas break my
freshman year, we were sitting at lunch and this guy and my
friend decided for me to eat m&ms or some other type of
candy capable of strangling you if eaten by force. one
opened my mouth while the other started shoving in candy.
it had been awhile since i had had sugar and i wont lie, it
tasted soooooo so goood. oh but she puked up her
food...:sighs::i cant even begin to tell you how much this
bothers me. there's so much to worry about already, and now
i've got to worry about her killing herself by starvation.
oh lord what's next? hmm? heh, too bad there's nobody there
to answer me...

forever 17


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