*~bLaZiNsHoRtY~*

tryna make it thru these hard times
2004-03-05 16:44:23 (UTC)

life, currently in a dust pan...

ive never had a diary that my family didnt read...i could
never say EXACTLY what i did without editing it some. i
decided to do this b/c i think everyoes life is, in one way
or another, interesting. so ill begin.(f.y.i: i am
16/f/white.) i have a boyfriend (17/mixed), ill call him O.
i have been with him for almost 5 months now. our
relationship has always had some problems. before we hooked
up, he had a girl of 7 months. he and i started hangin out
a lot, and he started to like me, (usher:"you make me
wanna" explains how he felt) and, yes, i liked him as well.
so, they broke up, we hooked up, but she was not over him.
she would go to his house and shit and eventually, he
played me with her...numerous times. this was after we were
together for like 2-3 weeks. i had broken up with him for
it, but he swore hed change and asked me to give him
another chance cuz he REALLY wants to be with me. so, of
course i stayed. well, they finally STOPPED talking all
together...FINALLY. she got a man, better looking then
mine. so she was happy. well, then, his dumb ass got locked
up for 2 months, and i lost love for him. i wrote him a
note breaking up with him, but he got out the day before i
was gonna send it...how ironic. so, his freind brings him
over my house, but instead of coming to the door, he sits
ion the car and honks. so i stood in the doorway(no shoes
on) and had my sister go tell him to come in. he finally
came in and stayed for aproximatly 10-15 minutes. i was
pissed, but of course, stayed with him. then we started
kickin it together everyday...he told me he loved me... A
LOT. after a couple weeks of EVERYDAY, SAME 2 people, til
11 at night, this became VERY annoying. i was always so
used to hangin out with different people all the time b/c
over the summer i was always kickin it. also, i cant stand
it when o is high or drunk, but i like to get high or drunk
when im around him. its wierd but he annoys the fuck outa
me when hes not sober. he has a habbit of drinkin or smokin
daily. so, recently ive been trying to open my options a
little, ya know, hang out with other dudes. like all of my
friends are guys, so its not hard to find someone else,
becuz most of them r tryin to get with me anyways. but, see
so many people where i live are crack hustlers, weed
smokers, and alcoholics with no job. so, thats the type of
dude i gotta get with, and i m not feelin that. well, i
dont know...i havent talked to my man in like 3 days....i
dont know what to do...can someone gimme some advice??




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